If networking is new for you, or a skill that you never took the time to develop with intention, like anything else that is new and involves putting yourself out there, it can be intimidating at first.

Remember that growth is often preceded by discomfort; however, it does not have to be painful. Excitement can be uncomfortable also, so it just depends on how you are focusing – focusing on fear or confidence?

Are you expecting the best from yourself and others or fearing rejection? Even rejection is a mindset issue. Rejection can actually be like “water off a duck’s back” as long as you don’t take it personally or tie your sense of self-worth to needing the approval from others.

It just depends on the story you tell yourself ABOUT yourself and the meaning you give to the word “no”. This all being said, our attitude about “rugged individualism” needs to be evolved and updated if you are going to succeed in this new environment we are all finding ourselves in.

I think it is great to have motivation to step out of our box and out of our comfort zone to build our confidence. It also illustrates why it is so important to understand that our beliefs and thoughts need to be flexible and fluid if we are to live to our highest levels of possibility.

Just because something use to work, does not mean it still will today. I like the motto, “I believe what I believe – until I change my mind”. Your behavior and beliefs are not “just the way you are” – no it’s just the way you are behaving or being due to your thinking and feeling, i.e. beliefs. You have permission to change – if you give it to yourself.

While I think our times dictate development of our individual self, our boundaries and talents, it is a paradigm that includes meeting our own needs to grow first, SO THAT we are healthier and self-fulfilled in our service to others. It is important to nurture and grow ourselves as we serve others; the day of the doormat is also over.

If you continue to be a doormat to the neglect of managing your own energy, you are risking the development of disease in your body. This may sound extreme, but it is very real when you understand the mind-body connection and health. It is important to authentically connect with others and develop relationships, not just call up people when you need something.

I was so busy as an eye surgeon/mother/wife/physician caretaker, that I did not need to network and had very little time for relationships even though I wanted more social interaction in my professional world. My family background did not encourage network building either, so I have had to set my intention to develop this skill.

Fortunately, I am naturally outgoing, yet, I know of people who were not and now they are very successful at connecting with others and also connecting people to people. It can be done though again, you may have to call on your CORE confidence to do it! Think about it, don’t you feel slimed when someone does not support you or ignores you until they think you have something they need? And then they call wanting to “pick your brain” and suck up your energy and time? This is really shortsighted and will not help you in business these days, that’s for sure.

Just notice the explosion in social media. The writing is on the wall. People want relationships. Here are 3 tips that I’ve learned so far as I continue to grow in my confidence and awareness of relationship building:

1. “Dig the well before you are thirsty” as Harvey Mackay has said. Building relationships take an investment of time. Notice I said “investment”. It’s not “spending” or “wasting” time. If you unconsciously see people through this type of constrictive lens, they will notice. When you understand the value of honoring others and giving and receiving knowledge/wisdom, experiences, you can appreciate people more. Also of course, we all want to feel connected to others in a genuine and authentic way.

2. Listen – People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care, as it’s said. This is true. I learned this as an eye surgeon. One day as I was reflecting on my new business here, I asked myself, “How was I so successful as an eye surgeon without much networking or advertising?” The answer? My patients KNEW how much I cared, that I listened to them as valued people, and that I had their best interest at heart. They felt loved. When I saw this, my attitude really shifted in my new business. I don’t have a “business” as much as a platform to develop myself and unfold my purpose in service to the world and this has to come from the heart ultimately. Yes, I’ve had to learn tons of new skills, yet at the end of the day, I had to remember to stay connected from my passion, my heart and care about individuals, not just my clients, seeing their light within and valuing them. As far as networking goes, I built my practice in a different era, and being a doctor is not the same field as the business of being a speaker, author and mindset coach.

3. The Leader is the Servant of All – again forget the hierarchy of “power over” and “what’s in it for me”. I’m finding just as I did as a physician, that when we are living from our purpose and leading with passion and enthusiasm with integrity, with an attitude of service, “what’s in it for me” is obvious. In fact, your “cup will overflow” when you stop worrying about this and just give your best. If you are going to be for yourself, you will end up being by yourself. Of course, I’m practical so, make sure that you have the business structure in place to be able to receive. I’m not talking airy-fairy here. Keep it real.

So, while I was a fan of the Lone Ranger reruns as a kid (I think it was because of my unconscious belief in those years that I did not fit in with my family – who knows), if you live as the Lone Ranger, be forewarned that the sun has gone down on this paradigm. While we need to be able to develop our personal power and confidence so that we can speak our truth with love and fulfill our individual purpose and possibly mission, we need to do it in an interconnected way, not just for what we can take from others.

Confidence in networking grows as we breakthrough our fears and learn to embrace who we are as we learn how to better connect with others. What you do think? Do you think collaboration is an idea whose time has come, or do you think the Lone Ranger can continue to prosper?

Empowerment and confidence is about choice. It’s about awareness at it’s foundation as if you are not aware that you have choice, you will not exercise your will and your will will become flabby.

While I think that we have natural gifts and talents and that we have a purpose that is unique to us, I believe that whether or not you live out your purpose or just your fate (meaning weaknesses, strengths, environmental and genetic tendencies) will be determined by how clear you are and how much courage you have. Courage and confidence does not mean you have no fear.

Fear is ubiquitous and is just a part of the human game. What will determine if you can feel the fearful feelings and proceed forward anyway is based upon how awake and aware you are about the options that you have. Do you believe you are “only human” or are you also tapping into your intuition and spiritual nature?

If not, you are weakening yourself and doing yourself a disservice. Are you are of how to consciously operate your own brain and mind? Or is it set on the default button of FEAR: Fictitious Evidence Affecting Reality? Either way, there is no judgment from me, I don’t think it’s “good or bad”.

The question is, do you want to live an abundant whole life or do you want to continue to play the role of the hapless victim and miss out on the incredible experience that you could have if you would choose to stop listening to the outer voices that keep you stuck, struggle and playing small.

You too can begin to Empower UP and Play Big when you learn how to get in touch with your CORE confidence from the Authentic YOU and learn how to operate the greatest “supercomputer” on the planet – your own brain and mind. Who do you think you are? It’s time to “Breakthrough to the Real YOU”! What do you think?

This can actually be a trap, because since we are so conditioned to reject ourselves, especially women, if we refuse to look at our feelings honestly we will never be able to release the stories about our self-image that are holding us back.

They are only stories, as there is really nothing “wrong” with you. What you think and what you do, is not the same as WHO you ARE. At our core, our Authentic Self is “powerful beyond measure”. Unfortunately, if we don’t peel away the “cataracts of the soul” as I like to call them, these stories, we will stay blinded to our true potential and we will tend to continue to believe that we can’t be as successful as we could be.

I am now free of the identity story that “something is wrong with me” or that I am not “good enough”. I suffered through life unnecessarily believing this for most of my adult life. Now that I’m free of it, it is much easier for me to change, take risks and have the confidence to throw off the opinions of others – just think about it a moment.

As women, we are bombarded with comparison of ourselves to other’s standard very early in our childhood and it only gets worse as adults. The media is constantly telling you to change something about yourself and it profits greatly off of our insecurities. Men of course, are not conditioned in these ways to reject themselves.

Just notice the ratio of the references to the image or self-esteem of men compared to women as it relates to the need to “improve” something and you will see implied deficiencies in women far, far exceed those made for men. What is self-image and why does it matter in business? We cannot rise above our self-image and stay there in peace.

Self-image is just that; it’s the way you see yourself. In the days that I had inner turmoil around worth, being enough etc, though I used a lot of will power and determination to achieve my goals, I tended toward self-sabotage or stress in attempting to maintain my station. If you are not obsessed like I was with proving I was good enough, chances are, you will not be able to overcome your inner self-image in the first place.

I find that what defines self-image is so often misunderstood, and there seems to be outright ignorance around why it is so important to life success.

Here are a few facts and myths about self-image that can be related to business success. The facts about low self-image are:

1. Contributes big time to worry about what others think and say about you
2. A MAJOR contributor to stress, and this has been studied in science
3. The reason why many, many women do not speak their truth or speak up
4. A cause of poor or dysfunctional relationships, fear of networking
5. A contributing factor in fear of risk taking or expanding business growth

Here are some myths about self-image:

1. Physically beautiful women always have high self-image
2. Intellectually advanced women by default have healthy self-image
3. Having lots of education and degrees eliminates self-image issues
4. All wealthy women/people have high self-image
5. Arrogant people have a high self-image or they would not be arrogant and rude (this is one of the biggest myths going on out there – just the opposite is true)

This list is not complete. There are other facts and myths as well. The point I am making is that until you understand what the symptoms of low self-image are, you will be inclined to think that “it’s just the way I am or the way life is”.

Life is a mirror to what you believe at a subconscious level and until you recognize this, you may continue to live in unnecessary struggle and emotional pain. Awareness is power. I know from experience that most of the myths are false, as I lived them. My self-image was so low I could not even fake arrogance.

I had an “I am not good enough” complex that was generally pretty obvious if I even dared to let you get close enough to figure it out. Truth really does set one free, free from the nonsensical stories that we believe to be true, yet are only one way of seeing life. If you believe it then it’s true for you. I believe what I believe – until I change my mind.

You have the ability and the right to change your mind. This is the ONLY way you will grow and expand. Whatever you have in your life is there by right of your consciousness, your awareness. Want more abundance and peace in your life? Be it unto you, as you truly believe.

We will become more successful as women entrepreneurs when we get to the heart of the matter and let go of the myths and deal with, without judgment the facts that we see before us in our lives. And here is the good news. You already have “got the Power”. You’ve just been looking for it in all the wrong places – hint: look within you. What do you think?

Not the “fake it ’till you make it” to whatever status you believe holds the magical key to empowerment. I’m referring to knowing that you know that the “real you” is already ok, just because you breathe. The starting point from this place is assuming that you are not broken, just in evolution, like the plant in the garden that is in the process of unfolding to its true beauty and potential.

We as a society tend to come from a mindset of lack and deficiency – the old paradigm of selfishness and “survival of the fittest”. This is just one way of seeing life; it is not the only way. We live in a world of infinite potential, and what determines how you experience “reality” is based on your perceptual system. How you wire your brain and nervous system really matters.

And get this; what runs your life is generally the 90% that is out of your awareness and comes from the unconscious part of your mind. So, why is self-love so important and why is it not ok to beat yourself up and put yourself down? Aren’t we taught that this is “humble”? Isn’t it “pride” to think good of yourself? Isn’t it “narcissistic”?

Narcissism stems from fear and is often rooted in insecurity. When you come from core confidence, you know that there is no need to compare yourself and judge worth and value between people. Yes, we vary in the expression of our gifts and talents, yet at our essence, the “founders” of our country had it correct when they said, “all men (and women) are created equal”.

When you come to know this Authentic Self, the essence of your very life force, you can begin to separate yourself from the “stories” of who you think you are that keep you stuck and playing small. These stories that you’ve wired into your mind and nervous system can be re-written when you are ready to accept the challenge. And it is much simpler than you may think.

In the meantime, rejecting yourself will only keep you stuck. Why or how does this work? Here are 3 reasons why self-love is not narcissism and why you want to convert to self-love and stop putting yourself down.

1. Narcissism by definition is rooted in fear and judgment. It is seeking hierarchy and “power over” others based on comparison and disrespect. When we come from “I am better than you” or “my needs are most important – period”, we are coming from lack. Often, low self-esteem and self-absorption based on this is the cause of narcissism.

2. Self-love stems from awareness of the Divine spirit that is within you and the source of life itself. It has to do with respect for self and all of life and just acknowledges the gift of life that you are. It is compassionate and says, “I’m growing” and I can see the abundance in light in life, instead of coming from a place of fear and lack. It is giving our self space to grow and expand without shame and guilt – which are the two “terrorizing twins” that keep us playing small and losing in life. Love grows and expands us; fear constricts.

3. One cannot rise above and stay above their self-image. Your brain seeks to make you “right” in the way that you really “see” yourself (self-image). When I lived in self-rejection, I used sheer will power to push my way to my goals in the hopes of finding abundance and peace. What I realized is that self-sabotage, in its many forms (even Tiger had to learn this one), will kick in if you do not deal with the “blind spots” that distort your self-image in a proactive way. Also, be informed that negative self-talk has been shown to provoke the stress response in your body and stress accounts for up to 90% of primary care doctor visits. Your subconscious mind is going to show you via the Mirror of Life what you REALLY believe about yourself and life.

In this time of change there is also great opportunity for growth. The more you embrace who you are, with love and compassion, the more likely you are to be kind and accepting of others. This is a winning formula for success as when you feel deserving of success, you can stop all of the procrastination and confusion around your business success, relationships and you are even likely to stay healthier and have more life energy.

Core confidence can only come from the inside out when you make the time to consider – and love – who you really are.  What do you think?

If you have a low self-image, you tend to struggle more with confidence and fear of rejection. You are less likely to take risks, and I certainly can say that dealing with change will be frightening if you are afraid of going into the unknown.

Now I hear people say often, “a part of me feels like…” I say it myself at times. What most people do not realize is that these “parts” of us can run your life. If you believe the real you is this “part” or that you are your thoughts and memories, you will be a set up for the stories and dramas that you tell yourself are “just the way life is”.

Actually, our life experiences are a reflection of the way that we see ourselves.

“We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are” ~Anais Nin

There’s science for this. You see there is no “out there”. What we see and how we see it has more to do with our perception. We are conditioned to believe that what we do is WHO we are. Actually your “part” that is feeling a certain way has more to do with the way that you wired your brain to think of yourself.

So, for example, if a part of your feels afraid to public speak, it may be related to self-images you have remembered from childhood. It could be when little Johnny laughed at you at the school recital, and you did not realize that his laughter had nothing to do with you. It was just his opinion or perhaps he was not even laughing at you, he could have been daydreaming and did not even notice what you were saying.

We make up stories like this all the time and then we go as far as attaching our very identity to the feelings that we have. If you over-identify with these “parts” you will think that they are the “real deal” the real you. Actually, there is the Mental Me and then there is the real me, the “Magnificent Me”. This Magnificent me is the spirit, the Observer, the Being of me.

What we do is separate from this Self but we get it all tangled up and confused and start judging our behavior as if it is WHO we are. Once we confuse “the what” with “the whom”, once we believe that the “part” that we play on the stage of life is the real US, our self-image and self-esteem gets involved.

Is Denzel Washington the part that he plays in his movies? No. He may feel the pain of his part if he really gets into the role, but at the end of the day, he is not that part. Well it is the same with our spirit Self as it plays the roles of human. Roles are behaviors; they are not identities.

Also remember that you cannot control what others say about you or how they perceive you. What matters only is how you perceive yourself. If you have a behavior that you want to change, change it. It has nothing to do with the Being of you; it does reflect your character (see the similarity to acting again – character?), and values but these things are fluid, they change.

Your consciousness is infinite; the only thing that constricts it is your own perceptual system – the way you wire your brain and mind. You want to play a bigger game in life? Then upgrade your parts. Until you learn how to do this, you will “get played” by the projections of others and the disempowering stories that you unconsciously create for yourself via these parts. Come and learn how to retrain your brain to win at life from the inside out. Your self-image and level of confidence can be aligned with your inner Authentic Self for true empowerment.  What do you think?

I figured out a long time ago that if I have to wait for someone else or some circumstance to make me happy, I would probably live and die first. So, I decided, to turn my focus, a long time ago, to finding the path that could take me to my destiny. I think that there is fate, and then there is destiny.

Our destiny is paved with love, joy and peace – regardless of outer circumstances. Our fate is what gets played out based on genetics, karma, childhood experiences and the hand-me-down knowledge that we use in our life without questioning it. My fate was not getting me what I wanted, in fact I did not feel very empowered to go in the directions of my dreams and certainly I did not see then how to make it a reality.

One thing I have discovered is that when there are blind spots in the way, even if someone hands you the treasure map, you still will fall into a ditch and not find the goods. This is what a WHOLE lot of people (I know from my own past personal experience as well), do every single day. Instead of using wisdom and courage to eliminate these blind spots, we somehow think that we can live on a whole new higher level and still keep our bad habits and low self-images running rampant through our minds.

I saw again a movie called “The Kid” with Bruce Willis. I first saw this movie ten years ago and I rented it to watch with my husband last week. This is a great movie to give you an example of how our wounded “inner child” can run our lives in so many ways.

Using this inner child example, let’s see how ignoring this inner pain can mess you up in business:

1. When you form a limiting belief about yourself in early childhood that you “can’t do anything right”(VERY easy to do), it will play out NOW, in how you see yourself and can paralyze you from taking action on everything from having the nerve to leave your boring job to finding the courage to act on your new business idea.

2. If you heard as a kid that you were a “bad girl” or that you don’t deserve this or that, and you don’t release this nonsense, you will self-sabotage your prosperity

3. Or what about, how you must work “really hard” for everything you get? You will make running your business, and your life unnecessarily challenging.

For one thing, our brains want to make us right, so you only notice and take action based on what you have wired into your nervous system in general – unless you learn how to take conscious control through awareness and eliminate these blind spots that hinder your empowerment.

You really can re-train your brain. As long as you believe that the next “magic bullet” marketing kit will make your business a success and you ignore opening your mind to new information that can help you to simply shift the inner turmoil that was never dealt with, you will not be able to experience the abundant life.

There are other ways that we limit ourselves besides these early childhood experiences, but there are not  many.

It is empowering to realize that emotions are not to be feared and that belief is something that can be shifted relatively easily when we learn how to release these blind spots that hold us back from living a life we love and see more clearly where we want to go, knowing that prosperity truly is our birthright – if we can only see a more expanded vision for our life and dump the blinders!  What is your experience or example?

I read an article online where in New York, protesters marched outside of Ralph Lauren’s headquarters to bring attention to the continued media onslaught of distorted female body image using Photoshop and other digital photo-altering software. The president of NOW-NYC is quoted as saying,

“Starting at younger and younger ages eating disorders, low self-esteem, and a preoccupation with appearance plague women and girls. Ralph Lauren and the advertising industry are complicit in making real women feel less sexy and less beautiful than they really are.”

I have to agree. This is why I’m so adamant that confidence has to come from the inside out.

As long as your attention is snared by outside influences that attempt to keep you feeling inadequate about your own sense of value and self-worth, you will be a sitting duck for spending your money on every gadget and new “beauty product” or fashion statement that goes across the airways in advertising. I realized years ago that body image marketing disproportionately targeted women.

Also, being female and around women quite a bit over the years, I realized a long time ago that we generally have greater self-image problems and a lower sense of self-esteem than men. No doubt, the social images influence this outlook.   While men tend to hide their low self-esteem with achievement or sports, historically (though this has shifted in recent years), women tended to seek approval from others, including men, to feel valuable.

I remember even being told growing up that if I was too smart, that I would have a difficult time finding a suitable husband! Thank goodness I did not buy in to that idiotic belief. My feelings were, somewhere on the planet, out of billions of people, there will be someone that I am compatible with should I so choose to marry. I was right.

The point is, we need to empower ourselves with the understanding that perception affects reality. Reality is relative based on what you believe to be true. Learning how to separate your sense of self-esteem from your thoughts about your self is powerful and is a function of learning to live more present and becoming aware of your thoughts and choices.

The more I consciously take my power back, the healthier my self-esteem becomes. Self-esteem that is authentic and stable truly comes from the inside out. Do you think that healthy self-esteem matters? Here is the Ralph Lauren article (click here).