At the end of the day, we all want peace of mind. Look at the word “inner peace” and you may see a clue to where you can find it. Then why do we believe that getting a new title, possession or relationship is going to give it to us?
And why can’t we see that even if we temporarily feel better by getting what we want outside of ourselves that it is a shaky proposition at best? Well, it’s wired into our brains and body. Since memory is held in the body at a cellular level, it is not going anywhere until we learn how to change it.
Here’s a key: memory is a story that you create. Yes, facts happen, events happen, but it is the MEANING that you assign makes all of the difference. And you will assign your meaning primarily based upon your own self-image.
If you feel powerless and insecure you will view how someone reacted to you differently than someone who loves themselves and “knows that they know” that what they do is NOT who they are – two very different things.
When I have my identity wrapped up in my activity, roles and appearance, I will be very vulnerable to change. When I realize that my essence is separate and apart from what others think about me, I can make a conscious decision to respond with confidence and power rather than being knocked over by the opinion of someone who at the end of the day will not expand my life in any way.
We can’t have peace of mind until we change the thoughts about life that keep us chasing this elusive state of being. I grew up on many beliefs that were held as “common sense”. They may be common but they make no sense if you want to live an empowered, abundant and happy life. What are some of these beliefs?
Emotion is something that is in your best interest to get acquainted with and stop fearing. Considering that emotions carries 5,000 times more magnetic energy than thought alone (visit HeartMath.org for more info), it is nothing to play around with and ignore if you want to optimize your health – mentally as well as physically.
Emotions play a major role in the state of your health. For example, hypertension is “life under pressure” or high tension. Stress, which is attributed to be the underlying reason for 75-90% of all primary care visits, is an emotional disease. When you feel stress, you are triggering the fear response in your body and it is typically psychological, as we don’t often have physical threat on a daily basis.
Today it snowed again in Chicago, and I could either whine and complain about it, and feel helpless to change it, or I could intend to find the beauty in it, which is what I consciously choose to do. This is always a choice. The challenge is slowing down enough to become aware of your thought pattern and then reset your default dial.
If you have a habit of focusing on what you do not like, you will raise your risk of all sorts of chronic disease. This is also why I choose not to believe in a “cold and flu season”. What is that? Last I checked there were only four seasons, winter spring, summer and fall. Every since I stopped believing in and expecting a season to catch cold, I very rarely even have one.
Relationships are one area that most people, especially most women, give a high priority to. Our concern regarding how others perceive us can run our lives if we are not aware of common social conditioning.
It is a fact that the need to love and be loved is a fundamental human characteristic. In fact, when we come into the world, we are a shining, bundle of love and we are expecting to continue feeling the unconditional love and acceptance that enlivens us, and is the Source from which we come.
Babies in general are such magnetic radiators of this love that we become mesmerized with their eyes and their smiles. Adults generally smile and feel good around a happy baby and unconsciously; we too sense this unconditional love coming at us.
In fact, babies so expect to have their needs met that if you don’t respond pronto, they will let you know how upset they are loud and clear without holding back. Now between birth and age seven a lot happens to potentially incite within us the sense of fear of separation from this unconditional love. As young children, we are emotional beings, with very little logic.
In fact, early in life, children are so close to source awareness, and their left logical/mental faculties so immature, that they have not even developed a sense of separate self. They still experience literal oneness with others, particularly their primary caregiver. It is not until we start language and are aware of our name, that we start forming our sense of self/identity.
Fast forward: commonly, we attach negative stories about ourselves early in life as children tend to think that everything is their fault, and they do not understand logically how to deal with “negative” (I like to call them inharmonious) emotions that are opposite to love. They just know they don’t feel good, and the fear center, survival center of the brain is kicking out “flight or fight” neuropeptides.
Mindset can make you or break you in business and in life in general. In general, I think it is safe to say that mindset rules your life. When I say mindset, I am referring to your belief (thoughts and feelings) and whether or not you are open-minded or stuck on robotic behavior.
Of course, if you keep doing things the same way, you will keep getting the same outcomes. I’m not finished reading Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, so I want to reserved my full opinion, but so far, I’m not clear if he is saying the we are just victims of circumstances or if the Universe plays dice with the lives of people – what?
I don’t see it this way at all, and I fully believe that there are no coincidences. While being given extra advantages and being born during a certain era affords unique opportunities, whether or not we take advantages of these opportunities is a choice we make based on our mindset.
Our way of looking at life will determine what we see. In the book, Gladwell references a sociologist by the name of Robert Merton who coined a term called the “Matthew Effect” which references the book of Matthew in the Bible chapter 25 and verse 29 which is as follows:
“For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him”.
When I was a kid I use to take this literally and think that somehow it was not fair or that it was saying, “the rich get richer and the poor gets poorer”. This is what I was taught. I don’t see it this way now at all.
My understanding of Merton’s take on it was that those who are already prominent in their status are more likely to get more attention than those who may be just as capable, but less recognized. These different interpretations are all examples of HOW we look at something determines our interpretation and application to our lives.
MY take on it these days is this: If you have an abundant mindset and you are not fear driven, but feel that you have plenty and expect to multiply instead of contract, you will put out to the universe a “vibe” to attract more.
If on the other hand you are afraid and worry about losing what you have all the time, you build a lack consciousness and lack begets more lack. When you read the parable to this conclusion in the Bible, you will see that the servant you had less and “was afraid” of losing his little, not only lost it, but experience torment as well (I would say anxiety and worry are forms of torment alright).
Here’s my overall point – focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want. I use to talk about what I didn’t like, didn’t have or repeat the problem on the table over and over in conversation. Then I finally realized one day that the more I talked about it, the worse I felt.
Self-esteem, self-image is foundational to your quality of life. We cannot rise above, or at least not stay above whatever is our inner perception regarding our worth.
Just look at what happened to Tiger Woods. The sad thing is, we are already good enough, just because we exist! We are the one who continue to allow the thinking into our lives that something “out there” is our salvation. That inner peace is to be had from something outside of who we are.
Granted, the emotional wiring that usually gets screwed up early in life play a significant role, but I’m here to tell you that we can rewire ourselves once we make the intentional commitment to do so.
And, the good news is, it is not as difficult as you think. I’ve made it my business to find tools and processes to change my inner turmoil and find the inner power and peace to consciously design my life by choice.
And it is working.
I also believe that the changes that we feel “in the air” around us is helping to assist this process by the rapid insights that are happening in the progressive arenas of science and spirituality. The spirituality piece is actually ancient.
We are just waking up again to remember. Now, how does this apply to everyday practical life? Let’s look at it from a business point of view.
Emotional healing is an idea whose time has come. It is often ignored and swept under a rug, the old “elephant in the room” that people pretend that they don’t see. This is truly unfortunate as emotions are the fuel that runs the engine of our life.
Our intellect, logic and actions cannot rise above the quality of our perceptions, and emotions have more impact on our perception than what we think. This is also one reason why change can be so difficult for people.
We often think we want to change but because of our fear of feeling “bad” emotions, when uncomfortable feelings show up, we distract ourselves with all manner of drama, from workaholism to, well, all manner of additions and procrastination. And it’s not just our self-esteem and confidence on the table.
85% of all disease is stress-related, and stress is an emotional disease. Note the word “dis-ease”, or not at ease. The electrical energy of emotion is 60 times greater than thought and the magnetic energy is 5,000 times greater that thought.
In other words, when you feel good, you are a powerful attractor of that which resonates with the vibration of that feeling and when you feel “bad” you are going be on the “vibe” of these kinds of experiences. Science shows we live in a vibratory universe and like attracts like.
I use to be terrified of feeling pain, and there is a reason for this that often links back to early childhood, though not always. The long/short of it is, I discovered that once I stopped seeing feelings as something to be avoided, I was able to stop judging them and not dealing with my life.
Happiness is something that many people pursue. If you are pursuing it, you are on the wrong track out the gate! Happiness is not “out there”. It is not something to be “found”, as it is not lost.
It is really a matter of remembering, waking up. Remembering that you are more than merely human and that it is your “response-ability” that is a secret to your power to BE happy. You see, happiness is really a state of being. It is an “inside job”.
This time of year it is easy to get sucked into looking for happiness in things, and the “holiday season” is a great marketing tool for many merchandisers. While this is all fine and good, if you are expecting to experience lasting happiness, it would be wise to spend time getting in touch with your inner guidance, and cultivating your core confidence instead of seeking happiness in the next great gadget, outfit or piece of jewelry.
Again, I’m all for enjoying a variety of experiences here on our beloved planet, but if we don’t develop the awareness that we have choice as to how we respond instead of just continuing to react to external stimuli, we will easily be manipulated by others who don’t have our best interest at heart necessarily. Also, if we are depending on circumstances to “make us happy” – good luck.
The last I checked the only thing one can really count on in the physical world is, you got it – change.
Transformation literally means to rise above form, or transcend “form”. Form is what you are seeing in your world at the moment. And here is what I’ve discovered: what I see was formed by my perceptions. How I see life ultimately determines my experience of life.
My perceptual system is unique to me in many ways. My thoughts, emotions and feelings create the vision and energy that forms how I experience life. I know that most people still believe that we are hapless victims of circumstances. I used to.
It has been so freeing to realize that this is just not the case. While I cannot control everything in my world, I can control how I react to a great degree. Here’s an as yet little known point that is powerful – how aware are you that the physical world starts within the quantum field of all that is?
In practical terms, everything is energy and then the invisible, tiny particles of waves and particles “gel” into form according to our consciousness. Or, another way to look at it is what we expect to see because of how we perceive life, repeatedly shows up in our experience. It becomes a “self-fulfilling prophecy. While science shows there is no such thing as empty space and that the “observer” affects the movement of the quantum field, there is much controversy over “what is consciousness”?
Confidence and self-esteem if linked to the “outer world” will certainly get you sucked into the marketing traps of the holiday season. It’s the old “looking for love in all the wrong places” revisited – again and again.
If your sense of self-worth is tied to externals such as glitzy new toys, clothes or whatever the media says is the “new look” – you will be a sitting duck for those “Black Friday” type bait and switch deals.
I find that the clearer I get about my self as a spiritual being living and experiencing “human”, the less concerned I’m am about keeping up with the latest greatest item, or chasing after the thing that will finally “make me happy”.
Happiness is relative, and it is related to inner peace. If your happiness is in passing holiday seasons or anything else that is constantly changing in appearance, you are doomed to melancholy as the only thing that is certain is – well, change!
While I enjoy new “toys” and I like fashion, and the December holidays can be really fun, the key is to not get attached to these things. By attached I mean, enjoy them, but hold on loosely, and learn to separate your sense of identity from external advertising.
For example today I saw this message about confidence on my 16-year-old daughter’s magazine: “Total Confidence: Great ABS Butt and Legs by New Year’s” – Oh, really now? Or how about this: “All Kinds of Wonderful” with happy faces buying all of the “wonderful stuff”. Hopefully the bill will be paid by the end of the month or else those happy faces are going to go south.
In the words of Rumi:
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
You will probably feel better and happier if you make the time to rest, and enjoy the season. Otherwise, putting too much pressure on yourself and tying your self-esteem to what you give or receive in terms of material items, or to false external promises, will create more “things to do” and there is no joy in that!
Healthy confidence will help you to “just say no” to things that use you up instead of bringing you joy. Hope you “in joy” the season!
Emotional healing is an idea whose time has come. I believe that it comes none too soon as we move into the instability of our future. Instability is always a reality when you stop and think about it. The “future” is not predictable and there is much mystery to life.
We get into trouble when we start to buy into the idea that we can control everything and start wanting guarantees about what tomorrow holds. As a very young child, I started out in life feeling insecure and not wanted. It had a lot to do with my family position, gender and even religion.
The bottom line is, as a child, I was emotionally immature and had not developed much logic and I was physically smaller than the adults, of course. This is a set up for feeling fearful and setting off the survival instinct in our brains. Between adults who were not aware of the damaging effects of impatient words and the dreadful feelings of rejection, I eventually decided to repress my feelings and emotions.
Of course the adults around me encouraged this, as they did not want to deal with emotion either. The problem is, emotional wounds will hide out in your body until they are released. Emotions are not “bad” or “good”. They are just energy with a given charge or frequency.
The frequency will either match love or fear – simple as that. Love heals while fear steals. We all intuitively know that love feels desirable and fear does not. As long as I repressed my anger, grief, sadness and other pain, they built up in my nervous system and they started to constrict my field of vision for my life as well as to impact my physical heart. It can affect different people in different ways.
Memory is literally stored in your body at the cellular level. In my early twenties, I started to show symptoms and signs of a heart valve problem. However, once I realized that the emotional pain was literally capable of killing me, I began the journey of emotional healing. Not only has my vision expanded for my life, but also my heart is completely healthy. The pain of a “broken heart” can literally translate to heart “dis-ease”. Here are some tips to consider:
At the end of the day, we all want peace of mind. Look at the word “inner peace” and you may see a clue to where you can find it. Then why do we believe that getting a new title, possession or relationship is going to give it to us?
Happiness is something that many people pursue. If you are pursuing it, you are on the wrong track out the gate! Happiness is not “out there”. It is not something to be “found”, as it is not lost.
Transformation literally means to rise above form, or transcend “form”. Form is what you are seeing in your world at the moment. And here is what I’ve discovered: what I see was formed by my perceptions. How I see life ultimately determines my experience of life.
Confidence and self-esteem if linked to the “outer world” will certainly get you sucked into the marketing traps of the holiday season. It’s the old “looking for love in all the wrong places” revisited – again and again.
For example today I saw this message about confidence on my 16-year-old daughter’s magazine: “Total Confidence: Great ABS Butt and Legs by New Year’s” – Oh, really now? Or how about this: “All Kinds of Wonderful” with happy faces buying all of the “wonderful stuff”. Hopefully the bill will be paid by the end of the month or else those happy faces are going to go south.
Emotional healing is an idea whose time has come. I believe that it comes none too soon as we move into the instability of our future. Instability is always a reality when you stop and think about it. The “future” is not predictable and there is much mystery to life.
