Empowerment begins the day you are willing to open your mind and reassess what you think you “know” for sure. Our beliefs are evolving all the time. We only “believe” we know “how life really is”. We’ve been taught, even this is done usually unconsciously, to put ourselves down and to judge harshly almost everything we do.
It could be the way we dress, what we read, our career choices, how we look, our hair – even how we mother and raise our children. The list is never ending. There are many reasons why this happens. What I want to focus on here though is a major concept as to how to stop judgment in its tracks. It’s called “self-acceptance”.
Self-love is not the same as narcissism. It is simply having compassion and the flexibility to allow yourself to grow and unfold. Where you are is where you are in consciousness today and that evolves. I am the mother of two teenagers, and of course I’ve given them “my best”.
One piece of wisdom I’ve come to understand is that in any given moment, I am operating out of my own level of understanding and how I feel about myself influences my perception of self and others. This is always “by best” as I cannot see through any other filter but my own mind and brain.
There is an article today in the Huffington Post, “Negotiating Mommy Guilt vs Mommy Wisdom”, and it speaks about the “inner critic” that we all have. Where does this critic come from? Some of the voices are our own stories and versions of “how life is” that started in early childhood. Some are from our ancestors via the gene pool. Some are from those rigid, small-minded teachers in grade school.
Where are they hiding out? In your memory, the memory held in your body at a cellular level. In fact, there is an area of the brain called the area of “autobiographical memory” – the story of who you think you are.
Core confidence comes from the inside out as does empowerment. Empower is just that, power coming from within. When I refer to core, I’m referring to the Authentic Self AND I see an acronym within the word.
C is for Courage, O is for Open-mind, R is for Reflection and E is for Enthusiasm. Within the word enthusiasm is “theos” which refers to God/Spirit and “en” is “in”/within.
So, in order to be truly empowered, your confidence and sense of self-esteem has to start from the inside out. As long as you look outside of yourself for security, love and self-esteem you are in trouble. Why do we allow others to tell us who we are and what we can do?
It’s primarily because we don’t trust ourselves. We’ve forgotten how to listen to our own intuition and guidance from spirit. We don’t “trust our gut”. This tends to come from years of not believe aware of how e wire our beliefs and just giving away our power out of fear of rejection. While rejection is particularly scary for children, and I do understand why, as grown adult women, we can make a decision and then set an intention to learn how to let go of the old stories that are wired into our own brain, nervous system and hence body.
Yes, this does require courage. Courage is not the absence of fear. FEAR here as referred to is Fictitious Evidence Affecting Reality – it’s psychological in nature. When I first started this journey, I had to first open my mind to new ideas. Trying to get a new result using the same information and doing things the same way really is a form of “insanity”.
I had to reflect on the thoughts feelings and emotions and stop judging them and running away. There is much wisdom to be gained from reframing our stories. I learned how to make friends with them and “update” my belief system.
Lastly, instead of looking for transient artificial happiness “out there” somewhere, I realized that as I dropped the old stories that my body felt different, my perception of self and others changed, and I started feeling natural joy within – and it was more often than not independent of what was going on around me.
This is true enthusiasm. It comes from within, from the Authentic, spirit self. You see you do not need to seek the Light outside of you; the Light is already within you. Our behaviors and attitudes are not the same as who/what we are. They are just a reflection of what we believe. In fact, at your core, you are already “ok” right now – just because you breathe. What do you think?
Empowerment and confidence is about choice. It’s about awareness at it’s foundation as if you are not aware that you have choice, you will not exercise your will and your will will become flabby.
While I think that we have natural gifts and talents and that we have a purpose that is unique to us, I believe that whether or not you live out your purpose or just your fate (meaning weaknesses, strengths, environmental and genetic tendencies) will be determined by how clear you are and how much courage you have. Courage and confidence does not mean you have no fear.
Fear is ubiquitous and is just a part of the human game. What will determine if you can feel the fearful feelings and proceed forward anyway is based upon how awake and aware you are about the options that you have. Do you believe you are “only human” or are you also tapping into your intuition and spiritual nature?
If not, you are weakening yourself and doing yourself a disservice. Are you are of how to consciously operate your own brain and mind? Or is it set on the default button of FEAR: Fictitious Evidence Affecting Reality? Either way, there is no judgment from me, I don’t think it’s “good or bad”.
The question is, do you want to live an abundant whole life or do you want to continue to play the role of the hapless victim and miss out on the incredible experience that you could have if you would choose to stop listening to the outer voices that keep you stuck, struggle and playing small.
You too can begin to Empower UP and Play Big when you learn how to get in touch with your CORE confidence from the Authentic YOU and learn how to operate the greatest “supercomputer” on the planet – your own brain and mind. Who do you think you are? It’s time to “Breakthrough to the Real YOU”! What do you think?
Empowerment involves awareness. Becoming aware of how to consciously operate the greatest “supercomputer” on the planet is very important, more now than ever. Guard your focus, because what you focus on expands and if you want an abundant, whole life, focus on what you want and learn how to get excited and expect this. I use to think that the way I saw life was “just the way it is”. Actually, perception, HOW we see the facts that show up in our lives, or what we think we can have or not is relative. It’s relative to what we believe about ourselves and the way “life is”. I have lived in the “hostile” universe model and I am now living in the “friendly” universe model. As Einstein said:
“The most important decision you will ever make is whether you live in a friendly or hostile universe”
Yes, you get to decide. It depends on how you see it. Let me tell you, friendly is much better and peaceful. No, I can’t control everything, and I no longer try, when I stay aware and present (happening more and more these days, yeah!). I do what I can do, feel good, get clear as I can, and release it to the Universe to take care of the details. This is making for an adventurous life instead of a life full of fear, resistance and struggle. You interested? Come join me.
Self-image is one of those words that if you pay attention, stirs up a lot of discomfort for most women. When I talk about “low self-image”, it stirs up avoidance for many because it is one of those words that unconsciously triggers embarrassment because of the stories we connect to admitting it.
This can actually be a trap, because since we are so conditioned to reject ourselves, especially women, if we refuse to look at our feelings honestly we will never be able to release the stories about our self-image that are holding us back.
They are only stories, as there is really nothing “wrong” with you. What you think and what you do, is not the same as WHO you ARE. At our core, our Authentic Self is “powerful beyond measure”. Unfortunately, if we don’t peel away the “cataracts of the soul” as I like to call them, these stories, we will stay blinded to our true potential and we will tend to continue to believe that we can’t be as successful as we could be.
I am now free of the identity story that “something is wrong with me” or that I am not “good enough”. I suffered through life unnecessarily believing this for most of my adult life. Now that I’m free of it, it is much easier for me to change, take risks and have the confidence to throw off the opinions of others – just think about it a moment.
As women, we are bombarded with comparison of ourselves to other’s standard very early in our childhood and it only gets worse as adults. The media is constantly telling you to change something about yourself and it profits greatly off of our insecurities. Men of course, are not conditioned in these ways to reject themselves.
Just notice the ratio of the references to the image or self-esteem of men compared to women as it relates to the need to “improve” something and you will see implied deficiencies in women far, far exceed those made for men. What is self-image and why does it matter in business? We cannot rise above our self-image and stay there in peace.
Empowerment is just that – power within, coming from the inside out. This blog post is introducing my new video series, “BreakThrough to the Real YOU”. Do you know that there is an area in the brain known as the area of “autobiographical memory”? It is the STORY of who you think you are. When I wrote my book, “Empower Up and Play Big: Winning at Life from the Inside Out”, I called it the “Mental Me”. You can also call it “ego”.
Confidence is a key element to empowerment. If you can’t speak up, take risks or all too often buckle under the opinions of others, your gifts and talents will likely never reach authentic expression. Let me say that confidence from the core, authentic self is what I am referring to.
Not the “fake it ’till you make it” to whatever status you believe holds the magical key to empowerment. I’m referring to knowing that you know that the “real you” is already ok, just because you breathe. The starting point from this place is assuming that you are not broken, just in evolution, like the plant in the garden that is in the process of unfolding to its true beauty and potential.
We as a society tend to come from a mindset of lack and deficiency – the old paradigm of selfishness and “survival of the fittest”. This is just one way of seeing life; it is not the only way. We live in a world of infinite potential, and what determines how you experience “reality” is based on your perceptual system. How you wire your brain and nervous system really matters.
And get this; what runs your life is generally the 90% that is out of your awareness and comes from the unconscious part of your mind. So, why is self-love so important and why is it not ok to beat yourself up and put yourself down? Aren’t we taught that this is “humble”? Isn’t it “pride” to think good of yourself? Isn’t it “narcissistic”?
Narcissism stems from fear and is often rooted in insecurity. When you come from core confidence, you know that there is no need to compare yourself and judge worth and value between people. Yes, we vary in the expression of our gifts and talents, yet at our essence, the “founders” of our country had it correct when they said, “all men (and women) are created equal”.
When you come to know this Authentic Self, the essence of your very life force, you can begin to separate yourself from the “stories” of who you think you are that keep you stuck and playing small. These stories that you’ve wired into your mind and nervous system can be re-written when you are ready to accept the challenge. And it is much simpler than you may think.
Empowerment and being able to navigate the fear of change go hand and hand. Please hear this without judgment; if you keep doing what you do, you will keep getting what you are getting – no exceptions. It is all to common for people to want a thriving business, happy, fulfilling relationships and good health without adjusting their attitudes and behaviors.
There’s truth to the saying “your attitude determines your altitude”. So, why is change so challenging? There can be several reasons, yet at the root of it is social conditioning. This conditioning is not really intentional; it is actually habitual and passed down through generational thinking. We often think that the way we see life is just “the way it is”.
Actually, reality is “mind-made”; it is a way of seeing or perception. Perception rules as it wires your brain to see what you have decided to believe as true – whether it is or not.
Once you believe something, your brain will seek to prove you right. It becomes a “self-fulfilling” prophecy as your nervous system will screen in the things it has been wired to look for and screen out the things you decided don’t work or may be harmful to you.
Of course these things could certainly just be relative and based on assumptions that are not even factual. It does not matter; this is why what you mind matters. What you keep your attention on can ultimately manifest in your life, so it can manifest, or turn into matter (a science term for physical form).
The trick is to stop focusing on what you fear or don’t want. If you associate change with “don’t want” or “bad”, then your emotional reaction will gear up for battle in the classic “fight, flight or freeze” response.
Empowering behaviors and beliefs can seem paradoxical to us because for the most part, what we have been taught is actually contrary to leading a truly confident and empowered life.
What we learn is not only contrary; it’s often outright backwards. We think that how we think about ourselves is independent of how others think of us. In fact, we think that what others think about us is more significant than what we think about ourselves.
For example, from the time we are two, we are unconsciously taught to seek for love, security and self-esteem outside ourselves. This is where we first start “looking for love in all the wrong places”. We are taught that the opinions of others are more important than our own, and that our significance comes from our associations, titles and material possessions.
Considering that these are all external to our very Being, it is no wonder that we give our power away regularly. We even make the mistake of trying to “get” love from others when we don’t even give it to ourselves.
Empowerment is a frequent topic these days and I think it is reflective of where
we are in our evolutionary growth as humankind. It seems pretty obvious to me that people are looking for answers other than business as usual.
One thing for sure is that we cannot solve some of our current challenges by looking in our current memory toolbox of how to solve problems. The consciousness or “mindset” that that got us here will not be the same ways of thinking that help us to change the world.
I don’t equate change with “bad”. Why not just see things as evolving to the next level, especially when it comes to individual growth? Now here’s the dilemma – the Universe is still expanding and unfolding, yet, because of the way that we have as a whole conditioned our brain we tend to fear change.
We are still “unfolding” just as the Universe is. While there is more to us than meets the eye, meaning at our core we have a spiritual essence, a “True Self”, we still live and experience life as human beings living in a physical body.
Without this body, you cannot effect change or be alive as we generally think of it relating to being on the earth. So, while I’ve heard the saying “we are spiritual beings having a human experiences”, we need to learn how to skillfully live into both aspects of our natures.
We need to become aware of how to manage our human body’s sensory/perception system – the brain and mind. Otherwise you can be so “heavenly bound that you are no earthly good”. Enter Neuroscience.
Empowerment begins the day you are willing to open your mind and reassess what you think you “know” for sure. Our beliefs are evolving all the time. We only “believe” we know “how life really is”. We’ve been taught, even this is done usually unconsciously, to put ourselves down and to judge harshly almost everything we do.
