Confidence is something that is invaluable in my life and business. I was an eye surgeon and entrepreneur for a long time, though confidence, true core confidence and a healthy self-image was not something that I actually possessed despite outward appearances.
I had bought into the lie that if I worked really hard, ignored my needs and just pressed on into the world of academics and achievement that I would feel good about myself, have plenty of confidence and happiness and live happily ever after.
Well, apparently this fairy tale lives on as I look around me and see women knocking themselves out and getting sick physically and emotionally from burnout and stress. I know men do this also, yet I’m specifically addressing women here.
Now that I’ve taken the time to go inside and learn how to eliminate the blind spots that were distorting my own self-image and limiting my true potential for business success, happy relationships and good health, I can see more clearly how to acquire the vision for my life that I always hoped for.
Now don’t misunderstand me, business and professional success is quite important to me, but now that I “know who I am” instead of believing the media and societal nonsense that there is something wrong with me or that I am deficient in who I am in some way, I can relax and have more energy and space to be my authentic self.
This authentic self, I call it the “Magnificent Me”, is separate from the sense of “self” that we form in our brains, the mental construct of “who we think we are” – The Mental Me. Science is now finally beginning to venture into this murky territory. It is not a black and white conclusion if examined like a math formula, yet the more we come to understand how our brain/mind create these identity stories, the more empowered we can be especially as women.
I find that we as women carry an over abundance of self-deprecation. We are constantly self-rejecting, rejection others, comparing, judgment and over doing. Men have far more testosterone than we do and can get away with over working more easily. When we over indulge in work and then turn around and try to seek love and approval by pleasing everyone but ourselves, our sexy, playful parts get neglected and we turn into “dull girls” (no offense ladies, “dull women” is just fine also).
Confidence for women takes courage that’s for sure. It requires courage in order to go against the prevailing “common sense”. Common sense, says that confidence is based on externals such as the degree you hold, your job title, your gender, race, religion, family social status, etc, etc.
This may be “common knowledge”, yet it is foolishness. It is not wise. Wisdom overrides convention, and thus, the need for courage to be able to open your mind – and heart – to be able to consider it and receive. Sometimes I need to be the “loving lioness”.
When I was insecure and lived in fear, I came from a place of self-rejection, criticism of self and others and essentially lived hiding behind a mask of “confidence” and over achievement. It was a mask because it did not feel authentically me.
I was so afraid of being hurt that I decide to control (what an illusion) instead of being controlled. While this decision did help me at the stage of consciousness that I was at, and in the world in which I found myself, it ultimately created chaos in my life and was leading to forms of self-sabotage.It became destructive.
Change is a good thing, in that sometimes things need to be destroyed before they are rebuilt. Yet, if you use wisdom, you can head some of this type of destructive energy off at the pass. Why wait until your life falls apart from illness, divorce or unpleasant relationship drama with children or friends? Why wait until you get kicked out of that job you hate or your business falls apart?
This is the way the “common” mindset works. It hangs on for dear life, clinging to the status quo, fearing change. If you want quantum leap change, and if you want core confidence, coming from your true, Authentic self, you will have to take the leap, by faith with courage, using PRINCIPLES that are ancient, and lasting, in order to live your true potential.
Confidence and empowerment is something near and dear to my heart, as I know the pain of self-rejection and the hazard of constantly striving to over achieve. It’s not productivity that is the problem; the issue is the mindset in which the goals are set and undertaken.
If we as women buy into the faulty thinking that our worth is based on what we do, what we look like and whom we are trying to please today, we will never have peace of mind, empowerment and personal power or authentic confidence.
The driven behavior that is going on in our society today is not even healthy masculine behavior. Truly healthy masculine energy (not male, -masculine- there is a difference) allows us to move forward into life and get things done. It creates a sense of independence, provision and protection.
Even as women we need to have a balance of these qualities in order to speak up, have courage to go through fear and to keep people out of our space when we need to. These qualities are not limited to males/men. The driven quality that most people attribute to men that we see is really the wounded ego. In fact, men need to live in more balance and tap into the feminine qualities of the Queen also, truth be told. The need to relax, feel and enjoy life is a human need for health and well-being.
The ego, our sense of human identity has its place and I believe that if you did not have one, you would not be able to self-identify yourself. Yes, you can be aware that you have an ego, yet are NOT the ego. You can be aware of yourself as a spiritual being, yet living the human experience via your “role” or as you call yourself, yet not get lost in the ego. This only comes via awareness and spiritual maturity which is a process unique to everyone.
It is not a one size fit all cookie-cutter process. Anyway, the ego wounded pushes and drives us as it gets lost in “survival of the fittest”, judgment, competition, all based in fear. Ego gone wild is fear at its worse. So, in earlier decades of my life, my ego, (I too was lost in it at one time), in its need to survive and get, (notice I said “get” not “receive”) affirmation and what I perceived then as love was always striving to prove that I was “good enough”.
Yet, funny thing was I never truly felt good enough or that I had enough of anything, be it time, energy or money. This is no way to live and accounts for all of the stress, fear and chaos that is going on in the world today, not to mention war, disease and greed. As women, it’s time to see through this nonsense and stop the madness in ourselves first, and then perhaps we can do what the Dalai Lama said in regard to “the western woman saving the world”.
If we don’t save ourselves first, the attempt to play rescuer again is a waste of time and as dysfunctional as ever. If we don’t develop confidence from our CORE, it’s just fake, cosmetic. Living into the Queen is about self-love, self-acceptance, and recognizing the POWER of love and feelings. Our feelings are just a guidance system to reveal to us what we truly perceive; not what we give lip service to.
As human, women and men, we have allowed ourselves to be conditioned like Pavlov’s dog to repress our feelings and run away. When we learn to make friends with them, we then are able to be truly empowered and physically healthier as well. As we face our fears and release this repressed pain-body of emotion that dwells within us at a cellular and energetic level, we can heal. Once we heal our wounded ego, these “cataracts of the soul” can fall away and we can let our Light shine and see others and ourselves more clearly.
It takes confidence to go out and network with people to build your business. Remember that confidence nor courage mean the absence of fear; no, you can have “fear” and go ahead and do what you need to do anyway.
If networking is new for you, or a skill that you never took the time to develop with intention, like anything else that is new and involves putting yourself out there, it can be intimidating at first.
Remember that growth is often preceded by discomfort; however, it does not have to be painful. Excitement can be uncomfortable also, so it just depends on how you are focusing – focusing on fear or confidence?
Are you expecting the best from yourself and others or fearing rejection? Even rejection is a mindset issue. Rejection can actually be like “water off a duck’s back” as long as you don’t take it personally or tie your sense of self-worth to needing the approval from others.
It just depends on the story you tell yourself ABOUT yourself and the meaning you give to the word “no”. This all being said, our attitude about “rugged individualism” needs to be evolved and updated if you are going to succeed in this new environment we are all finding ourselves in.
I think it is great to have motivation to step out of our box and out of our comfort zone to build our confidence. It also illustrates why it is so important to understand that our beliefs and thoughts need to be flexible and fluid if we are to live to our highest levels of possibility.
Just because something use to work, does not mean it still will today. I like the motto, “I believe what I believe – until I change my mind”. Your behavior and beliefs are not “just the way you are” – no it’s just the way you are behaving or being due to your thinking and feeling, i.e. beliefs. You have permission to change – if you give it to yourself.
While I think our times dictate development of our individual self, our boundaries and talents, it is a paradigm that includes meeting our own needs to grow first, SO THAT we are healthier and self-fulfilled in our service to others. It is important to nurture and grow ourselves as we serve others; the day of the doormat is also over.
If you continue to be a doormat to the neglect of managing your own energy, you are risking the development of disease in your body. This may sound extreme, but it is very real when you understand the mind-body connection and health. It is important to authentically connect with others and develop relationships, not just call up people when you need something.
Core confidence comes from the inside out as does empowerment. Empower is just that, power coming from within. When I refer to core, I’m referring to the Authentic Self AND I see an acronym within the word.
C is for Courage, O is for Open-mind, R is for Reflection and E is for Enthusiasm. Within the word enthusiasm is “theos” which refers to God/Spirit and “en” is “in”/within.
So, in order to be truly empowered, your confidence and sense of self-esteem has to start from the inside out. As long as you look outside of yourself for security, love and self-esteem you are in trouble. Why do we allow others to tell us who we are and what we can do?
It’s primarily because we don’t trust ourselves. We’ve forgotten how to listen to our own intuition and guidance from spirit. We don’t “trust our gut”. This tends to come from years of not believe aware of how e wire our beliefs and just giving away our power out of fear of rejection. While rejection is particularly scary for children, and I do understand why, as grown adult women, we can make a decision and then set an intention to learn how to let go of the old stories that are wired into our own brain, nervous system and hence body.
Yes, this does require courage. Courage is not the absence of fear. FEAR here as referred to is Fictitious Evidence Affecting Reality – it’s psychological in nature. When I first started this journey, I had to first open my mind to new ideas. Trying to get a new result using the same information and doing things the same way really is a form of “insanity”.
I had to reflect on the thoughts feelings and emotions and stop judging them and running away. There is much wisdom to be gained from reframing our stories. I learned how to make friends with them and “update” my belief system.
Lastly, instead of looking for transient artificial happiness “out there” somewhere, I realized that as I dropped the old stories that my body felt different, my perception of self and others changed, and I started feeling natural joy within – and it was more often than not independent of what was going on around me.
This is true enthusiasm. It comes from within, from the Authentic, spirit self. You see you do not need to seek the Light outside of you; the Light is already within you. Our behaviors and attitudes are not the same as who/what we are. They are just a reflection of what we believe. In fact, at your core, you are already “ok” right now – just because you breathe. What do you think?
Empowerment and confidence is about choice. It’s about awareness at it’s foundation as if you are not aware that you have choice, you will not exercise your will and your will will become flabby.
While I think that we have natural gifts and talents and that we have a purpose that is unique to us, I believe that whether or not you live out your purpose or just your fate (meaning weaknesses, strengths, environmental and genetic tendencies) will be determined by how clear you are and how much courage you have. Courage and confidence does not mean you have no fear.
Fear is ubiquitous and is just a part of the human game. What will determine if you can feel the fearful feelings and proceed forward anyway is based upon how awake and aware you are about the options that you have. Do you believe you are “only human” or are you also tapping into your intuition and spiritual nature?
If not, you are weakening yourself and doing yourself a disservice. Are you are of how to consciously operate your own brain and mind? Or is it set on the default button of FEAR: Fictitious Evidence Affecting Reality? Either way, there is no judgment from me, I don’t think it’s “good or bad”.
The question is, do you want to live an abundant whole life or do you want to continue to play the role of the hapless victim and miss out on the incredible experience that you could have if you would choose to stop listening to the outer voices that keep you stuck, struggle and playing small.
You too can begin to Empower UP and Play Big when you learn how to get in touch with your CORE confidence from the Authentic YOU and learn how to operate the greatest “supercomputer” on the planet – your own brain and mind. Who do you think you are? It’s time to “Breakthrough to the Real YOU”! What do you think?
Confidence is a key element to empowerment. If you can’t speak up, take risks or all too often buckle under the opinions of others, your gifts and talents will likely never reach authentic expression. Let me say that confidence from the core, authentic self is what I am referring to.
Not the “fake it ’till you make it” to whatever status you believe holds the magical key to empowerment. I’m referring to knowing that you know that the “real you” is already ok, just because you breathe. The starting point from this place is assuming that you are not broken, just in evolution, like the plant in the garden that is in the process of unfolding to its true beauty and potential.
We as a society tend to come from a mindset of lack and deficiency – the old paradigm of selfishness and “survival of the fittest”. This is just one way of seeing life; it is not the only way. We live in a world of infinite potential, and what determines how you experience “reality” is based on your perceptual system. How you wire your brain and nervous system really matters.
And get this; what runs your life is generally the 90% that is out of your awareness and comes from the unconscious part of your mind. So, why is self-love so important and why is it not ok to beat yourself up and put yourself down? Aren’t we taught that this is “humble”? Isn’t it “pride” to think good of yourself? Isn’t it “narcissistic”?
Narcissism stems from fear and is often rooted in insecurity. When you come from core confidence, you know that there is no need to compare yourself and judge worth and value between people. Yes, we vary in the expression of our gifts and talents, yet at our essence, the “founders” of our country had it correct when they said, “all men (and women) are created equal”.
When you come to know this Authentic Self, the essence of your very life force, you can begin to separate yourself from the “stories” of who you think you are that keep you stuck and playing small. These stories that you’ve wired into your mind and nervous system can be re-written when you are ready to accept the challenge. And it is much simpler than you may think.
If confidence and self-esteem does not come from the inside out, we are bound to seek it from outside in. This is a never-ending bottomless pit. Who cares, you may ask. Why even concern yourself with confidence or self-esteem issues?
Well, for one thing, what the French author Anais Nin said many years ago is true:
“We don’t see things the way they are; we see them as we are”
You will not ever really rise above your own self-image. You may outwardly look pretty good, but inside, you won’t have peace of mind if you are always comparing your sense of self-worth, or even your material possessions to someone else.
This behavior often also impacts your attitude and the altitude that you rise to in life. You will always find someone who has more or less than you in some area. This is true whether the comparison is love, money, beauty or intelligence.
The answer is not in finding someone less than you to make you feel good about yourself. The answer is to learn how to love and accept yourself independent of the world around you. I had someone ask me recently in regard to her thoughts about feeling inadequate, “what if what they say is correct”?
Here’s my short answer. Everyone has their opinion and most of it is just a projection onto you of their own self-judgment. You see, what you do is not the same as who you are in your essence. What you do does reveal your character at the moment and it does reflect your level of consciousness, but consciousness shifts. What you do changes.
Even the roles you play changes. The external world is constantly shifting and changing. The key to personal power and peace of mind is to learn how to separate who you know you are from who you THINK you are.
Self-esteem is essential to living free of external “busy bodies” that want to tell you have to live. It is very important to love and accept yourself if you want freedom of expression and to live out a high level of your potential gifts and talents.
As long as you are “looking for love in all the wrong places” you will not find it. You must first begin within and then you will see it “with out” – out there in the world. Now ego gets a bad rap and a lot of people who are seeking spiritual principles are inclined to think that they need to get rid of it.
Another challenge I see in people seeking spiritual awareness is that they tend to judge almost everything in sight! Well, one spiritual truth that has made all the difference in my world is learning to stop judging people, including myself – actually, especially myself.
As I’ve come to embrace the “shadow” parts of my ego, forgive myself and “upgrade” the beliefs around these parts of my self, I’ve become more compassionate and loving towards others. Judgment is a tool to show us where we need to develop compassion in ourselves, for others and ourselves.
It is not about condoning behavior; it is about transmuting it. It is about changing the energy around the beliefs about the behavior as a reflection of who you THINK you are. You see, what you do is NOT the same as WHO you are.
Confidence is something that is invaluable in my life and business. I was an eye surgeon and entrepreneur for a long time, though confidence, true core confidence and a healthy self-image was not something that I actually possessed despite outward appearances.
