Archive for the ‘Confidence and Self-Esteem’ Category
Monday, March 1st, 2010
 Confidence and self-esteem is needed now more than ever. It would do people much more good than medication, which is only masking the symptoms of fear and inner turmoil. That inner turmoil, and depression can set up a loop of low confidence and self-esteem, and the lower the confidence and self-esteem, the more stress and feelings of struggle can wreck havoc on your body.
That’s right – there have been studies that show that low self-esteem is bad for our health.
One way it works is that negative self-talk and that queasy feeling you get when you worry about what others are thinking of you actually triggers the stress response in the body.
A chronic stress response will weaken you immune system, raise your blood pressure, damage your heart and arteries, kill off your brain cells and stiffen your muscles and joints. All of this because you are living under the illusion that you are not good enough, not worthy or the crazy belief that something is “wrong with you”.
Boy, did I know that one. I used to have “delusions of inferiority”. Thank goodness I finally woke up and realized that I was making it all up. All the world is a stage all right and it is empowering to know that I can change my role I am playing at will when I know how – and you can too.
I think it is silly how some psychologist actually promote putting yourself down as if “thinking too highly of yourself” is a bad thing. Now, I’m not talking about narcissism, which is actually a form of insecurity and ego-based comparison. Narcisstic people don’t come from a place of inner peace either.
I’m referring to “core” confidence, which comes from your spirit, your heart. In fact, the word “courage” comes the French word “cour” which means “heart”. Courage is strength of heart. It does take courage to look at your fears, worries and negative self-talk in the face and boldly DECIDE to change.
Yes, it is a decision, a choice.
When you take the time to learn how to let go of the conditioned fears and small mindsets that are passed on to us, we can change from the inside out and let go, empower up and play a bigger game. I’ve done it and I continue to grow.
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Tags: Confidence, Empowerment, Peace of Mind, Self-Esteem, Stress
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Friday, February 19th, 2010
 Confidence and self-esteem boils down to this: you are making it all up. Think about it. Where do you get the ideas to judge yourself by? Why do you think you are born unworthy?
Is that the absolute “Truth”? How do you know? Who told you this? Why do you accept it as true? These are some of the questions I eventually asked myself, as I broke free from the fear of “thinking outside of the box”.
Granted, at one time in our social history we were highly likely to die if the “tribe” kicked us out of the group, but nowadays, with so many options available, you can always find a new “tribe”.
I know that there are feelings involved, however, I’ve come to the conclusion that if someone does not care enough about my well-being to support what is dear and near to my heart (they don’t have to agree, but they don’t have to reject me over it), then it’s just time for me to get over it and move on.
The more comfortable I am in my own skin, the easier it is to move on. After all, I have to live with me; I have no choice (I don’t a have desire to check out of my body). I just say, “there’s only you and me so let’s just disagree” and move on if we cannot work it out – no harm done. Anyway, as far as forming our self-esteem, what we believe about our selves come from a variety of sources when we are not aware of what belief is and how it rules our world.
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Tags: Confidence, Empowerment, Neuroscience, Self-Esteem
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Monday, January 18th, 2010
 Self-esteem, self-image is foundational to your quality of life. We cannot rise above, or at least not stay above whatever is our inner perception regarding our worth.
Just look at what happened to Tiger Woods. The sad thing is, we are already good enough, just because we exist! We are the one who continue to allow the thinking into our lives that something “out there” is our salvation. That inner peace is to be had from something outside of who we are.
Granted, the emotional wiring that usually gets screwed up early in life play a significant role, but I’m here to tell you that we can rewire ourselves once we make the intentional commitment to do so.
And, the good news is, it is not as difficult as you think. I’ve made it my business to find tools and processes to change my inner turmoil and find the inner power and peace to consciously design my life by choice.
And it is working.
I also believe that the changes that we feel “in the air” around us is helping to assist this process by the rapid insights that are happening in the progressive arenas of science and spirituality. The spirituality piece is actually ancient.
We are just waking up again to remember. Now, how does this apply to everyday practical life? Let’s look at it from a business point of view.
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Tags: Confidence, Confience, Emotional Healing, Empowerment, Happiness, Self-Esteem
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Monday, December 28th, 2009
 Self-Esteem and its role in shaping your destiny should not be underestimated. The way you view yourself, from body image to sense of self-worth can determine whether or not you suffer through life or if you feel empowered enough to pursue your hearts desire or suffocate your creativity.
I read an article online where in New York, protesters marched outside of Ralph Lauren’s headquarters to bring attention to the continued media onslaught of distorted female body image using Photoshop and other digital photo-altering software. The president of NOW-NYC is quoted as saying,
“Starting at younger and younger ages eating disorders, low self-esteem, and a preoccupation with appearance plague women and girls. Ralph Lauren and the advertising industry are complicit in making real women feel less sexy and less beautiful than they really are.”
I have to agree. This is why I’m so adamant that confidence has to come from the inside out.
As long as your attention is snared by outside influences that attempt to keep you feeling inadequate about your own sense of value and self-worth, you will be a sitting duck for spending your money on every gadget and new “beauty product” or fashion statement that goes across the airways in advertising. I realized years ago that body image marketing disproportionately targeted women.
Also, being female and around women quite a bit over the years, I realized a long time ago that we generally have greater self-image problems and a lower sense of self-esteem than men. No doubt, the social images influence this outlook. While men tend to hide their low self-esteem with achievement or sports, historically (though this has shifted in recent years), women tended to seek approval from others, including men, to feel valuable.
I remember even being told growing up that if I was too smart, that I would have a difficult time finding a suitable husband! Thank goodness I did not buy in to that idiotic belief. My feelings were, somewhere on the planet, out of billions of people, there will be someone that I am compatible with should I so choose to marry. I was right.
The point is, we need to empower ourselves with the understanding that perception affects reality. Reality is relative based on what you believe to be true. Learning how to separate your sense of self-esteem from your thoughts about your self is powerful and is a function of learning to live more present and becoming aware of your thoughts and choices.
The more I consciously take my power back, the healthier my self-esteem becomes. Self-esteem that is authentic and stable truly comes from the inside out. Do you think that healthy self-esteem matters? Here is the Ralph Lauren article (click here).
Tags: Confidence, Empowerment, Self-Esteem, Self-Image, Self-Mastery
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Saturday, December 19th, 2009
 When I use the word self-esteem, I am referring to self-image and the way that one feels about their own worth and value. I am of the firm belief that healthy self-esteem matters and is not the same as arrogance or narcissism.
I believe arrogance is a telltale sign of insecurity. It is the ego’s way to covering up and hiding inner fear of inadequacy. One may as well have a neon sign on their forehead that says “I am hiding my pain and shame” when they mistreat others in a rude and condescending fashion.
What I have found to be true within my own life is that the more I come to love and accept myself, the less judgmental and more compassionate that I become with others. What we do is not the same as who we are.
When we behave in a way that is harmful to others, of course there should be a penalty (even if the law doesn’t apply the penalty, karma takes its toll). It’s a matter of reaping and sowing. I am not of the school that karma is “punishment”.
It is really about getting back what you put out. So, when we plant seeds of love, we will reap a harvest of love – eventually. Now realize that some of what we reap is not obvious in its origin.
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Tags: Confidence, Ego, Emotional Healing, Emotional Pain, Empowerment, Self-Esteem
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Sunday, December 6th, 2009
 Confidence and empowerment is about acting from your center, the courage to be YOU. In order to be truly creative, you have to walk off of the beaten path. Otherwise your life is just a copycat of the next person.
You are a unique expression of Divine Love. There is no one like you and this is a great thing. I am a gardener and I can imagine how boring my garden would look if it only contained one type of flower.
Gone would be the explosive, colorful array of violets, reds, yellows and various shades of pink. It would look all the same! Again, how boring is that?
Then why is it us humans, want to look and act like the next person. It seems that most people want to be everyone but himself or herself! Why is this?
I say it is purely due to conditioning and the fact that our nervous systems are wired to survive and we have as a whole bought into the belief that conformity is synonymous with safety. Granted, at one time in our evolution there was truth to this.
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Tags: Confidence, Empowerment, No Confidence, Self-Esteem
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Thursday, December 3rd, 2009
 Confidence and self-esteem if linked to the “outer world” will certainly get you sucked into the marketing traps of the holiday season. It’s the old “looking for love in all the wrong places” revisited – again and again.
If your sense of self-worth is tied to externals such as glitzy new toys, clothes or whatever the media says is the “new look” – you will be a sitting duck for those “Black Friday” type bait and switch deals.
I find that the clearer I get about my self as a spiritual being living and experiencing “human”, the less concerned I’m am about keeping up with the latest greatest item, or chasing after the thing that will finally “make me happy”.
Happiness is relative, and it is related to inner peace. If your happiness is in passing holiday seasons or anything else that is constantly changing in appearance, you are doomed to melancholy as the only thing that is certain is – well, change!
While I enjoy new “toys” and I like fashion, and the December holidays can be really fun, the key is to not get attached to these things. By attached I mean, enjoy them, but hold on loosely, and learn to separate your sense of identity from external advertising.
 For example today I saw this message about confidence on my 16-year-old daughter’s magazine: “Total Confidence: Great ABS Butt and Legs by New Year’s” – Oh, really now? Or how about this: “All Kinds of Wonderful” with happy faces buying all of the “wonderful stuff”. Hopefully the bill will be paid by the end of the month or else those happy faces are going to go south.
In the words of Rumi:
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
You will probably feel better and happier if you make the time to rest, and enjoy the season. Otherwise, putting too much pressure on yourself and tying your self-esteem to what you give or receive in terms of material items, or to false external promises, will create more “things to do” and there is no joy in that!
Healthy confidence will help you to “just say no” to things that use you up instead of bringing you joy. Hope you “in joy” the season!
Tags: Confidence, Happiness, Inner Peace, Self-Esteem
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Sunday, October 25th, 2009
 Confidence as a survival skill is being called upon in our changing world in more ways than one. With all of the change in the work place, it is estimated that the largest area of job growth will be in the arena of small business and entrepreneurship.
I have always been an entrepreneur for my entire adult career and I can tell you that it will either build your confidence, or you will ultimately sink. It does not matter what your IQ is.
In fact, I’ve seen people with highly respected PhDs and MDs freeze like a doe in the headlight when it comes to getting out into the “real world” on their own and leaving behind the predictable world of academia or corporate America.
I recently heard that the dental department at the University of Chicago shut down and released all of their staff to the wind. They will have to either find new jobs, or start a new business or change professions. Either way, it will be a scary proposition if change is not easily dealt with.
Change can certainly be scary, but the key is not to run from the fear. Feel the fear and “do it anyway”. Granted this pep talk can be easier said than done. However, by learning new information on how your mind and brain really works, getting coaching and using tools that help you to release the negative conditioning that keeps you boxed in and playing small, you can rise to the occasion of our changing times.
Tags: Confidence, Self-Esteem, Self-Mastery, Stress
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Wednesday, October 14th, 2009
 Confidence is sorely needed with all of the change going on around us. Many people fear losing their jobs, not because they love what they do, but they fear change and worry about worse case scenarios. Wouldn’t it be great to jump out of bed on Monday morning with passion in your heart for what you will be doing?
This is what passion can do for you. When we are passionate about what we do it does not feel like “work”, it feels more like play. You could actually feel like “wow, you mean I can get paid for doing what I enjoy?” Yes, and all things really are possible – if you believe.
In our society, from the time we start kindergarten, we start hearing “what do you want to be when you grow up?”. I made sure I avoided asking my children this, as I did not want them to feel pressured to feel that they had to decide whether or not be a “doctor, lawyer or Indian chief” by the time they were seven. There’s no condemnation if you do this, just realize that we are unfolding as we grow. Wouldn’t it be great if we could learn to grow with the flow instead of presetting early on what we “should” be doing with our lives? To have the confidence to follow our hearts?
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Saturday, October 10th, 2009
 Confidence and self-worth, regardless of what some psychologists say, does matter. Really now, if you think of yourself as acceptable and worthy, why would this be considered selfish?
In fact if you are comfortable in your own skin, you are at least less likely to be paranoid about yourself in relation to others and less likely to see the world as a scary, competitive place to live. This matters as far as your health is concerned as well. Think about this; in recent decades, as people become more focused “fighting” cancer, stress and the cancer rates have actually accelerated. This is related to the principle that what you focus on expands, even if you “don’t want” it. You are giving your creative energy to whatever you keep your attention on.
The more fearful and constricted you feel about yourself and life, the more disease, or, “dis-EASE” you are likely to experience. Here is an interesting quote I found from a Mayo Clinic internist who studies mind-body medicine:
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Tags: Confidence, Empowerment, Law of Attraction, Self-Esteem
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Confidence and self-esteem is needed now more than ever. It would do people much more good than medication, which is only masking the symptoms of fear and inner turmoil. That inner turmoil, and depression can set up a loop of low confidence and self-esteem, and the lower the confidence and self-esteem, the more stress and feelings of struggle can wreck havoc on your body.
