women in business
Relationships are often cited as one of the more important reasons for living and what gives life meaning. All too often though, we are unaware of the impact of the most important relationship of all – our relationship to our self. Though we as women are known for seeking relationships and forming friendship, we also all too often neglect to nurture and cultivate self-care and attend to our own needs.
Due to the conditioning of our culture, this is often seen as honorable. Yet, if you are not mindful of how self-rejection, self-neglect and over indulgence of the needs of others to your own detriment is affecting you, you may very well become depressed, frustrated and develop ill health.
There is a difference between self-love and narcissism. Self-love comes from a place that values your self as much as other and shows honor to the Creator by appreciating yourself as a reflection of Life with unique gifts and talents. One who appreciates self tends to come from a place of abundance, as love is a vibration of abundance and giving. Narcissism comes from a place of lack consciousness and seeks to establish hierarchy and judgment of self compared to “others”.
There has to be a loser and a winner, one person less than and one person greater. There is a huge difference between self-love and selfishness. Healthy business and personal relationships require healthy boundaries and clarity of purpose. This is where ego has its place in that, ego, or your mental sense of “identity” allows you to speak your truth, have your voice and take care of yourself. It is only when this sense of self is wounded does the need to “sell your soul” for attention become a problem.
The healthier your sense of identity is and the more clarity you have for the vision for your life, the more you can say “no” and paradoxically, the more likely you will have healthy, happy relationships. Why? Because life is a great Mirror reflecting back to us “who we think we are” within the context of relationship.1
Branding has become more important than ever as people become more entrepreneurial oriented, many due to changes in the job market. As people are being released from their corporate jobs without many options, they are become more likely to pursue their heart’s desire, which is likely to be more related to their life purpose.
In order to stand out from the crowd, authenticity has become more important than ever. We all have unique fingerprints for a reason – we are all unique. This is not rocket science and the more we “get on our dime” and be ourselves, the more likely we will excel at what is we are doing and bring more value to what we do.
Whether you find yourself in voluntary or involuntary career transition, YOU are a unique brand and even if you are an employee, you are still in the business of marketing and sales. How you present yourself either makes great “sales” or poor sales for your career advancement. We only have a few seconds to make an impression, one way or another.
You may as well feel good about who you are and be genuinely confident. Whether you go to work every day, or if you run an enterprise, people are more attuned than ever to sensing your intention and how “real” – or not – you are. Also realize that whatever you’ve done in your life, depending on how you perceive it, it can be used as a foundational experience to the next phase of your personal growth and development.
I went from being an eye surgeon to a “mind’s eye” surgeon. I used to help people eliminate cataracts that were blocking the “windows to the soul” in their physical eyes, to now showing others how to eliminate their own “cataracts of the soul” – those brain induced misperceptions that are keeping them stuck, overwhelmed and robbing them of their sense of personal power.
Yes, science is showing that “perception IS reality”.0
Your brain and how you wire it is a major source for the perception that change is “hard”. Yes, it is a perception more than anything else. In fact, there has been research that even shows that pain in general is, “all in your head”. I can hear the push back now.
The idea that we are hapless victims of circumstance is now being challenged by new discoveries, once again thanks to technology, and it may take some people adjustment to losing the old excuses and belief systems. That’s right, much of what we had believed about our brains and how “reality” operates was not objective.
In fact, we could not observe the physiology of the brain a few decades ago like we can now, and we surely did not have the innovative mindset and willingness to change our paradigm back then as much as we do now. Why now? I really can’t say, though I have my own ideas. I just know that now that we are getting the rug pulled out from under us, as a collective, more and more people are willing to open their minds and look for some new answers.
Thank goodness, it’s about time and thank goodness that neuroscience can help to get the “logical” fearful mind out of the way. While we need logic to a degree to operate within the context of the 3-dimensional, five sensory world, it should be serving the broader, insightful intuitive mind. As Einstein has said:
“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” - Albert Einstein3
Happiness is so elusive for people for a few simple reasons, all rooted in “what we don’t know that we don’t know”. Unfortunately, as a society, we’ve bought into the illusion that “getting” happiness is possible.
Actually, this is the counterfeit way of obtaining happiness, which is why it is so short lived and never satisfying in the long term. Happiness need not be “gotten”; it only needs to be experienced and released from within you.
Joy is something that is inborn; it is an aspect of your very spirit. The issue is, our essence, our True Being has become out of our awareness and covered over by the beliefs and misperceptions that we have unwittingly wired into our own brains.
Yes, new findings in neuroscience are a very important key to understanding yourself and bringing along your “logical” mind for the ride or journey. In fact, it is very important to engage your logical mind in the spiritual journey process, as it is a type of gatekeeper to how you react as a human being.
We can act spiritual, yet if we don’t understand what is standing between us and inner love, joy and peace, if we “go off” and get irritated and upset because someone disagrees with us as they push our buttons, we cannot really sustain happiness for any significant period of time.
While over-the-top spiritual epiphanies can be exciting, they are not the typical, everyday experience for most people. Evolutionary growth and expansion for most people is a process, yet, the more aware you become of how the brain “lies” to you and how perception works, you can access easier the wisdom within, intuition/insight and it will be easier to dump the inner critic and behaviors that sabotage your success in business, relationships and health.
Face it; you live in a human body, with a human brain and nervous system. You are susceptible to the drama here on earth that can throw you off center. The more conscious or aware you are of how your brain can play tricks on you when you mis-direct your attention, the more you can be in the driver’s seat when it comes to managing your thoughts, feelings and emotions. You can enlist your brain on your team to take you where you prefer to live. Want to know what the little known brain secret is?
Happiness and will power are not often connected, as there is a subconscious belief in society that “will power” is “bad”. I was listening today to a neuroscience lecture by neuroscientist, Sam Wang from Princeton University when I noted that he said that when the woman who co-authored with him a book about the brain mentioned “will power” in the context of an interview she was doing, the editor asked her not to use it, as if it was a dirty word.
I have noticed this attitude on several occasions also. In fact the word “power” in general scares many people, particularly women. I’m glad to see that there is now science research on the importance of developing will power.
In fact, according to Wang, there are studies that show that one’s level of will power is more important than IQ in determining overall success in life. Also, will power is like a “mind muscle”; it can be developed and it can become flabby if ignored and not used. Other words for “will power” are discipline, diligence and persistence. (I do want to add that clarity and heart alignment with one’s goal reduces the need to use as much will power).
It is needed if one is to overcome resistance or go for dreams and goals that are outside the box. I know this very well from experience. Back in the days when I was very unhappy no matter what I did, it took much will power to overcome the negative people in my life and their dismal, small thinking and keep moving forward with my hopes and plans.
When I came to realize that money, status and education could not “buy” happiness, it took will power to discipline myself to seek answers outside of the obvious “common sense” nonsense that was handed down to me by society.2
Entrepreneurship is on the rise and change is occurring rapidly in the workplace. When I first entered the arena of entrepreneurship over 20 years ago, I had the mindset of “hard work and struggle”. Since I tend to have significant will power, I was able to push ahead and “make it happen”.
I could have had the same outcome with a lot less effort had I known then what I know now. It is a good thing that I am more aware these days about the importance of mindset as I have transitioned from being a medical business entrepreneur to a speaker, trainer and “mindset coach” using neuroscience and intuition as a part of my skill set.
I say it’s a good thing because it is much harder to avoid distraction and to “push ahead” these days than it was back then. If one is not aware of how to stay focused and present, it can easily seem like there are not enough hours in a day and there seems to be a never-ending “to-do” list for most people.
Neuroscience is now supporting many of the concepts that I have used over that past decade to learn how to calm the mind down, have more “time” and bring to form ideas and goals much easier than just using the force of willpower and “hard work”. It takes persistence, discipline and diligence, yes, “hard work” – no.
Hard work is a paradigm; it is the old “work by the sweat of your brow”. When you are clear about coming from authentic center and learn how to change your focus from fear to faith by engaging your brain to support you instead of using it in a way that holds you back you can transition into entrepreneurship easier.
This is very important if you are ever going to earn the type of income that you desire and create a business that is more than just a “hobby”. Until you can support yourself, your business will not be sustainable. Also, if you are ever going to live healthy without stress, you will need to know how to manage your mind. Here are 5 simple steps, based on the science of the brain to consider:2
There is a lot of career transition going on during these changing times and I think it’s a good thing. Why? First of all there are many “stuck” people out here. They are going to jobs everyday that they hate and have outgrown. It is surprising to me how many people still believe that they have to do what they started doing after college, 20 years ago.
The idea that I voluntarily sold my medical practice to take the “risk” to change careers seems unfathomable for many. Just stop here and think about this. Do you realize that none of us will leave planet earth alive as far as our body is concerned anyway, and that we only have a short time here? Do you really want to live it spending over two-thirds either sleeping or doing things you hate or that you have simply outgrown? Whatever happened to joy and peace, fulfillment?
I say it became lost as we started to over-identify who we are with what we do or have. These are actually independent of each other. The problem is, most people have forgotten this. It also is a result of allowing ourselves to be overrun by FEAR – Fictitious Evidence Affecting Reality. I could leave Ophthalmology because it was time to. The season had ended.
“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven”
~ Ecclesiastes 3:1
Ignoring this principle is the root of much pain and suffering for many people along with over-identifying themselves with the activity. I am not a doctor; I practiced medicine and eye surgery. I am, at an essence level, unlimited and not “definable” on human terms of labels and judgments. I can play various roles, have many parts on the stage of life, and I can do it full out and with passion.
The power point here is to not over identify my sense of self and worth with the role of the hour.1
Leadership is best exemplified when it comes from mind with heart. A leader with a heartless mind is one that I would not follow. Yet, I still see plenty of evidence in our society that associates “weak” with the energy of the heart. I see this attitude in men and women and I know it is primarily due to the distorted concept of what it means to come from the heart.
First of all, the heart is associated with the feminine aspect of humanity and society equates feminine with the gender female. This in itself is a distortion. While I would agree that the qualities of feminine such as intuition/insight, creativity, emotion, collaboration/connection, nurturing and warmth are demonstrated more commonly in women, these qualities are very important balancing qualities that are available physiologically to men also.
However, boys/men are often conditioned away from consciously owning them. These characteristics are actually qualities attributed to the right brain hemisphere if one wants to peg an anatomical location – though I realize it is much more to it than this.
I find it interesting that through history, not only were these qualities shunned by men and belittled overall in many ways in the workplace/world stage of life, the other “stronger” qualities of the heart are often ignored or attributed to intellect, a masculine quality. What I’m referring to is courage and passion.
Sorry guys, but courage does not come from the head and neither does passion. In fact, the root word of courage, “cour” means, “heart”. Feminine/heart does not mean weak. In fact, the fear center that causes so much disruption in society is a function of the left brain hemisphere in that our sense of identity, logic and linear thinking is tied to triggering of the fear center in the brain when threat is perceived – even if that threat in only someone rejecting you or disagreeing with your opinion.
It is the power of the heart that overrides a fear-based response. Courage is not the absence of fear; it is feeling the fear and taking action anyway. I believe we as humanity are most whole and powerful when we can come from a healthy, authentic masculine and feminine, within BOTH genders. It’s time to drop our distorted definitions of masculine and feminine.
Right now, masculine is perceived as “power over”, aggressive, selfish, greedy, controlling, and rugged individualism. These are shadow representations of a healthy masculine. Masculine without fear is “present”/focused, assertive, able to take action to manifest and direct in a way that inspires cooperation. We too often peg feminine as overly emotional, weak, blend into the wall, not able to speak up, disorganized or unfocused, not taken seriously, passive, and not able to lead and make things happen. It’s the old, “you play like a girl” to suggest one is not an effective athlete. This is nonsense and these are also often shadow representations.12
We are living in a time where there is disruption of systems and institutions all around us. In other words, times are changing and they don’t appear to be going back to business as usual. This does not have to doom and gloom. In fact it can be a good thing for your business.
The key to growing your business in this new era is to open your mind and start taking in real new information and not simply repackaged more of the same game. Collaboration and authenticity are the rules to this new playing field. Now here is a critical point.
These two factors begin from the inside out. They simply must. The collaboration will have to start between your own mind and heart and by doing so, you will also get in touch with your Authentic Self. Once you do this, it will be natural for you to have more connection with business and personal relationships.
As long as you keep yourself disconnected from you own feelings, doubts, and deep dreams, you will stay on the treadmill of dysfunction and “not enough” – on many levels. Science will help those who are serious about waking up and owning their personal power. This is the age of knowing who you really are.
Yes, really. There is a brain and nervous system explanation for why you feel overwhelmed, have such a loud inner critic, fall of the exercise commitment so regularly or just feel that you are not making the relationship connections and growing your business as it could be managed. One of the greatest myths in society is that you can find security, love or self-esteem outside of yourself.
This is a bottomless pit and the results can change on a dime. Whether or not you connect with your authentic brand, feel confident at the next team meeting or develop that new idea will all begin with how you view yourself on a subconscious level. This is not what you “think” consciously so much as it is how you feel, and most people feel not so good in general.
What runs your life is approximately 90% out of your awareness.0
“Happiness is an inside job”. It is likely that you have heard or read these words before. Just what does this mean, what does it look like? Happiness radiates from the inside yet we don’t understand how to connect to this inner source because we are so distracted by the external world.
From the time we can talk, we are directed to create a self-identity that is built upon approval from the outside world and that depends upon performance. In other words, we are taught that what we DO is who we ARE. I’m here to tell you that this is the biggest illusion going.
As long as you tie your sense of “who you think you are” with what you do, you are on sinking sand. The outside world can shift from day to day, haven’t you noticed this yet? One month you are suppose to need some “thing” to be “enough”, next month you need to look like a certain photo shopped celebrity that you see on television or in a slick magazine ad.
If you do, then it is implied that you will be loved and secure. Of course, security, love and self-esteem are essential human needs. The only problem with having these emotional needs met is that we are conditioned to believe we lack them and that they can only be found outside of our self, hence many people buy into the illusion that if I am “perfect” in what I do or how I look, then I’ll be safe, loved and self-confident.
The catch is, “perfect” is totally subjective. Instead, what happens with perfectionism, which comes from a place of “lack” consciousness, is that it is a bottomless pit. You can never be perfect enough to be satisfied for more than 24 hours, and then you are off and running to jump the next hurdle. I know this one really well.
Imagine, as an eye surgeon, “perfection” felt like it was professional life or death, and it was very easy to buy into this paradigm hook, line and sinker. There is very little room for error when operating on someone’s eye. When I was a perfectionist, I was constantly in a state of feeling uptight and judgmental, both are happiness busters. When I was a perfectionist, I felt embarrassed and lacking in self-worth if I judged my outcomes to be less than perfect and by the way, it spilled over into every area of my life, not just in the operating room.
Life was hell on earth in many ways. No peace…. Then one day I came to see the difference between excellence and perfectionism.0