If there is no survival fear to drive us, what would then motivate us to accomplish goals? If we were not feeling inadequate, would we be driven to achieve? My response was that we have other options that are healthier and more effective and efficient than driving ourselves mercilessly. Based upon my experience as having once lived fully embracing the survival of the fittest paradigm as the way life is, I no longer buy into this.
Self-awareness is crucial to understand for self-empowerment. How can we know what we don’t know if we don’t know? One of the most important concepts to know in life is the axiom, Know Thyself. Why is this important? If we do not have a good firm, self-aware understanding of what is really important and valued for us, we are very susceptible to falling prey to distraction, the seemingly ubiquitous, Busy Trap.
To perform at our best, we will need to get a grip on understanding ourselves and how our brain optimally works. How you perceive the world will drive your actions. It is your actions that determines your outcomes, not just what you think matters. Our left-brain loves taking action and manipulating the external world. It loves getting results. Our right-brain loves connection to others; it loves interconnections and relationships.
If you think getting results is all that matters without regard to people, your day of reckoning is rapidly approaching. You are due for a rude awakening. To be fair, if all you do is socialize and never get anything done, you are not likely to go very far in life also in terms of achievement. The lesson here is conscious balance in your own authentic way. Start to pay attention to where you place your intention.
We can learn to be more social if it is important to us. We can learn to focus and be more results oriented if we are not getting where we want to go. Sure, in a team setting, you can have complementary people to offset your weak areas; yet, this is only true to a degree, depending on what the issue is. Besides, you can’t take those people home with you every day. I assume you have a life outside of the office.
John Zenger and Joseph Folkman did a study on leadership effectiveness.
I believe brain researchers (neuroscientists) have good intentions when they make blanket statements about other people’s beliefs to be right or wrong. Some of them probably believe their expert status enables them to make broad and sweeping declarations on behalf of all of humanity – I suppose. I believe, the belief that an expert gets to set the rules for what is right or wrong is a type of perceptual bias in itself. Just to be clear, there needs to be context when judging right and wrong anyway, since the situation or circumstance can make a huge difference. Life is just not black or white.
In fact, science is full of bias. Just read history !or your current online copy of a variety of current research studies. Can we just get comfortable with the facts of life? Life is not neat and predictable. Everyone, including myself, filter what he or she sees and experience through their own biased lens. The best we can ever do is to continue to raise our self-awareness so that we can be more in the moment to make our own choice as clearly as we can. Simple as that. It is not black or white, objectivity.
My bias is that I don’t believe a scientist, researcher or anyone else can determine objective results 100% of the time. It’s easy when we are referring to mechanistic, physical objects. For example, if we as human beings have agreed that the color red looks like !red ! and then we see a red apple, one can argue that another is right or wrong if the color is called purple. That’s what standardized tests attempt to do. Teach people what to think and then test them on it.
Yet, somewhere back in time, red was made up and we all agreed upon it and generation after generation it was taught to children this way. It’s called, language.
What I have trouble with is when I see articles from scientists saying, for example, we (people) see patterns where there are none. Oh, none to whom?
Truth is, it takes courage to change your mind. Particularly when we live in a culture that expects us to have all the answers and make no mistakes. We hold ourselves to an impossible standard and then we wonder why change is so difficult. Many if not most people, are standing like deer in the headlights when it comes to making changes in their behaviors that are no longer serving them. Why?
In order to see change in your life, you have to make changes in your way of thinking and feeling – first. The fact is, who you think you are, what you think you can do, be or have is a story.
Our brain forms, autobiographical memory – the story or narrative of who we think we are. The good news is that thanks to neuroplasticity – the ability of our brain to rewire and change itself literally – we can change our story on demand the more self-aware we become. The bad news is, if you don’t have the courage to trust yourself, listen to your own heart and feel the need to be validated by the so-called experts, you may live and die with the greatest parts of yourself locked deep inside, never to be shared with the rest of us. Now that’s unfortunate.
I had an interesting conversation with someone recently whom I greatly admire. He’s a person of integrity and he speaks his truth, which I admire. I’ve asked him to always tell me his truth, and don’t worry about how I’ll take it. I like honesty and I can learn by listening and becoming self-aware of my blind spots. In a nutshell, because he, like probably most people, didn’t realize that an eye surgeon (an M.D. medical eye physician) has professional training in the brain and nervous system in order to do their job, he made an erroneous assumption, that I’ve come to realize is not unique to him. I took note; perhaps I need to be more explicit. The upside of this is that it made it loud and clear how important perception is, so perhaps I can help some people to get out of their own way by educating them on the fact that neuroscience is a part of my training as an eye surgeon as it relates to the message I share. I’d say most people have been conditioned to believe that nearly everything we do has to have validation by an institution.
This need for institutional validation is the point I want to focus on in this article and why we need to change our story about this constant need for external validation. There is some value to this, yet we have taken it to ridiculous proportions in many cases.
We can learn how to make our memories work for us, instead of constantly against ourselves. Your memory of your experiences of this past year will have a powerful impact on your productivity and performance in the future. In fact, your reaction to many of your experiences this year are directly impacted by your past memories, even from decades previous.
I’ve come across articles that share the mechanistic process of how dopamine is involved in the memory making process because of it’s physiological impact on the hippocampus, the memory bank of the brain. While this is interesting information, what is left out is that fact that memory is not mindless. Memory is not objective linear process; it is subjective based upon your level of self-awareness to impact it. If you do not understand the power of perception to form your experience and actions, you will continue to believe that your brain just, made you do it. We have choice, but only to the degree that we are aware of how we are creating the mental models and narratives that determine our sense of self-image and abilities and lead to the choices we make.
For example, let’s say you found yourself in an unpleasant life situation. Let’s say you have a business idea that you worked really hard on to launch. You used a great deal of resources and you did, the best that you could. Yet, things didn’t turn out as ideally as you had hoped. If you are not self-aware and you are conditioned to equate failure and disappointment with bad, it is likely that you will feel this as a threat to you sense of self-worth which in turn will trigger your self-defensive, fight, flight freeze response. Once the emotional perception of fear is triggered and your amygdala flips on with profoundly rapid speed a series of neurotransmitters get triggered, including dopamine that you commonly hear about. Your memory in the way that you structured it gets glued into your memory bank (cellular memory, really) that this is a bad experience to be avoided for safety’s sake and you will file it away that risk and entrepreneurship is bad. You will assume that this is the way life is. You will take it for granted that you are right. Eventually, this belief gets recorded in cellular memory goes unconscious and filters future opportunities. BUT WAIT !.!
Love is not often thought of as power, especially in business. Usually there is a conversation about power and then there’s love. After listening to a very impactful video on RSA by Adam Kahane, Power and Love, I had an insight. In this video, once again there was power and then there was love. A couple of days before viewing this video I had a discussion with a Twitter friend on power versus force, the title of a book by Dr. David Hawkins. I have been making a distinction between power and force, as if love is power and that other power was really force.
After watching this video, I would now say this !that which we call power should really be preceded with the word, will. It’s really will power, for it is certainly not the only power – love is a power also. Will power plays an important role in self-determination and human potential, yet, as the video points out, it can become destructive when it is not integrated with the power of love.
In the video he defines power as the drive of everything to realize itself – growth/self determination. He then defines love as the drive toward the unity of the separated – the underlying unity is fractured and love seeks to unite. I would also argue that love also is a part of the drive of everything to realize itself in that love is also involved in the begetting of life and growth.
There is also another point I would add. Love is power. There’s not power and then there’s love.
Self-determination requires will power. Maintaining unification and a life supporting system (integrity, wholeness) requires, love power. In fact, when love power takes hold, it can be a force that is powerful beyond measure. When it is balanced with will power it can be more powerful than will power alone, once this integrative will/love power takes hold. For the remainder of this post, I will refer to power as (will) power in some sentences as love is also a power as well.
He goes on to explain in the video how (will) power and love can both be degenerative or generative when lived to the extreme pole, one without the other. He used the example of the traditional husband and wife relationship:
Many leaders make assumptions that ironically limit their leadership capacity every single day. One assumption is that they always objectively view the leadership and performance capabilities within themselves and their team. Another is that they are already so smart and experienced that they can shrug off learning and development. These assumptions are a blind spot. The belief that the way that we see life is objective !we assume we are right, that how we see is the way it is – is often the very thing that creates a leadership stumbling block. This is a closed mindset.
In other words, we really don’t know what we don’t know and unfortunately, all too often we are not open to examining our own thinking. Why? I believe one reason is that we assume (there that word is again) that to raise our hand for leadership development implies that we are broken – that we need to fix ourselves. Our society as a whole seems to assume this connotation is true as well.
Busy work is not productivity. It is just activity. We have too much of it and it is costing us our excellence in performance. It is costing us our health and happiness due to the killer, stress. It is a contributor to poor relationships – who has time for relationships after all? It reduces creativity. In 2012 Gloria Mark of the University of California, Irvine et al. did a study in which they deprived 13 people in IT business access to email for five days and studied them intensively. They found that people without email concentrated on task for longer periods of time and experienced less stress. This would support the McKinsey Global Institute’s study that revealed that skilled workers spend a quarter of each working day responding and writing emails. That’s 25%!
There are many people going nowhere fast. When we see life in pieces – such as to do lists without an overarching purpose, we can lose our meaning for living, our zest for life. Passion is lacking because we are too busy to develop it, too busy to in joy our work. Most people have forgotten who they are at their core, and life is a series of going through endless motions.
My conclusion, based on my experience with perception and also neuroscience (which is validating my conclusion) is that, our energy is going where our attention is going. We believe that to be successful we have to work really hard. What, enjoy work? Now that would be a novel idea! We believe that more is always better and that to rest is to be lazy. We believe that enough is never enough so we keep working harder and harder – instead of smarter. Smarter would include purpose, clarity and innovation. It would include re-energizing so that you can be more efficient in less time. Then you can have more time to have some fun.
Emotional and mental agility is a skill set. Repressing feelings instead of learning how to manage them reduces performance levels and can negatively impact health. Of course it is not rational to believe we can check our emotions and feelings at the door. It is not very intelligent to believe we can disconnect from our body’s physiology. Numbing or distracting our self is not the same as actually disconnecting.
Unfortunately it was a type of cultural code at one time to think that we could ignore our feelings.
The intention was to avoid discomfort. Yet, when we become more self-aware, we can learn to become comfortable with feelings. The feelings were not checked at the door; they were circulating in the mind and body causing havoc within the body and inauthentic, and not surprisingly disengaging relationships within the office. It was just an example of being asleep or in denial about what was really going on within us. I used to deny my feelings admittedly; I bought into this myth at one time myself. An added benefit to me for quitting this self-deceptive practice has been an even healthier body – and heart.
One important, intelligent and giant step forward is to recognize that you are not your thoughts and feelings. We get into trouble when we buy into thoughts running through our minds as if they are facts/truth. We need to question our thoughts before mindlessly accepting them. You must learn to name them if you are ever to get a grip on self-managing your state of mind. You must be mindful to call out the thoughts and to begin to notice the repeating patterns.
You can’t get unstuck without becoming aware of them – so that you can take charge of them. You can learn to redirect them in healthy ways, and in so doing, reconnect with your passion for life, joy and inner peace.
Here are three common patterns for managing thoughts, emotion and feeling. When we are not aware of what feelings are or that we can manage them, they tend to: