April 6, 2011 in Relationships

Relationships are often cited as one of the more important reasons for living and what gives life meaning. All too often though, we are unaware of the impact of the most important relationship of all – our relationship to our self. Though we as women are known for seeking relationships and forming friendship, we also all too often neglect to nurture and cultivate self-care and attend to our own needs.

Due to the conditioning of our culture, this is often seen as honorable. Yet, if you are not mindful of how self-rejection, self-neglect and over indulgence of the needs of others to your own detriment is affecting you, you may very well become depressed, frustrated and develop ill health.

There is a difference between self-love and narcissism. Self-love comes from a place that values your self as much as other and shows honor to the Creator by appreciating yourself as a reflection of Life with unique gifts and talents. One who appreciates self tends to come from a place of abundance, as love is a vibration of abundance and giving. Narcissism comes from a place of lack consciousness and seeks to establish hierarchy and judgment of self compared to “others”.

There has to be a loser and a winner, one person less than and one person greater. There is a huge difference between self-love and selfishness. Healthy business and personal relationships require healthy boundaries and clarity of purpose. This is where ego has its place in that, ego, or your mental sense of “identity” allows you to speak your truth, have your voice and take care of yourself. It is only when this sense of self is wounded does the need to “sell your soul” for attention become a problem.

The healthier your sense of identity is and the more clarity you have for the vision for your life, the more you can say “no” and paradoxically, the more likely you will have healthy, happy relationships. Why? Because life is a great Mirror reflecting back to us “who we think we are” within the context of relationship.

If we are not being treated with dignity, caring or respect, particularly in a culture where basic human rights are the law of the land, it is due to our own poor self-relationship. Even the science supports that our perception is the factor that creates our “reality” and how we perceive our self is reflected back to us from the way others treat us. If we have a clear sense of self-caring and respect, our tolerance of mistreatment from others will be very low.

How we treat ourselves is the foundation for how we allow others to treat us and determines the quality of our relationships.

“He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe.” ~Marcus Aurelius

Peace within leads to peace with others. Once we stop looking for love in all the wrong places we will find it within, start nurturing our spirit and paradoxically we will notice more love showing up spontaneously. Life is full of paradox and often just the opposite of “common sense” is truth.

Take care of yourself and life can in return, take better care of you since The Mirror of Life is always reflecting to you what you unconsciously believe. What do you think about this idea of starting with your “self” relationship as a foundation to building healthy relationship to others?

Tags: Confidence, Happiness, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Stress, women in business