October 31, 2011 in Happiness, Relationships

Likeability is good for your relationship health. I’m reading “The Likeability Factor” by Tim Sanders and he also gives lots of WIFFIM (What’s In It For Me) reasons why one should choose to be likeable. It will impact your health, wealth and relationships – the “big” three for most people.

I’m not finished with the book yet, so I can’t speak to all of his conclusions. I can say that he is witty, inspiring and gives practical tips to being more “likable”. Now I want to add something that occurs to me as I’m reading this enjoyable book.

I’ve been really focusing in “intention” lately. Like, “why” do I want to do what I do? I’m starting with “why” not only for my purpose and business platform, but also my “why” for my relationships in general. It occurs to me that a deeper intention for likeability is to first like yourself so that you are not trying to “get” people to like you.

Your relationship to “self” is your primary and most important relationship from which everything else in life flows. Have you ever wondered why so many people – most I dare say – are “trying” to be/get “liked”? It’s because we are so wired to look for love, security and self-esteem outside of our selves instead of first embracing who we are and coming from this space.

It occurs to me if we like/love ourselves first, we can simply share our enthusiasm for life with others
instead of trying to manipulate, control or “get” from someone else.

We can then simply be ourselves – magnificently! Just think, if we feel genuine appreciation, acceptance and compassion for ourselves (instead of beating ourselves up to “motivate” or feel “humble”) we will feel more confident and lovable. This will naturally lead to the charisma and radiance to attract others who will feel inspired to be near us. Also, and this is soooo important so pay attention – what you believe about yourself will form your perception and will project out onto others.

What this means is that if you have self-acceptance, appreciation and compassion you are more likely to hold these feelings true for others as well. Now think – would you be prone to like someone who saw you through the eyes of acceptance, appreciation and compassion? You bet you would. How do you feel when you are around someone who you causes you to feel appreciated, accepted and who empathizes with you – instead of judging you?

I’m convinced that the quickest, most powerful and authentic way to being “likeable” is to like your self.

The reason most people don’t like/love themselves is because its been “trained” out of them. Do you really think we were born not liking ourselves? I think not. This behavior/feeling is conditioned and is the source of much relationship chaos and sabotage. So, treat yourself as you would a growing perennial flower garden that blossoms with love, nurturance and in its own season.

When we want beautiful flowers, we love and care for them. Even our pets are happiest when we love them. Why not do the same for you? What a silly belief we humans hold that says we should reject ourselves and then expect to be joyful and happy. Look around you – if the dominant belief is that “self-love” is “bad” or narcissistic (check out dictionary.com – I was shocked to see how self-love is defined) – don’t be surprised if you see a world full of stressed out and unhappy people. Well, the state of society speaks for itself.

Like yourself, love yourself and you will be more likeable because you will radiate more acceptance, appreciation and compassion/empathy for others. What are your thoughts about “likeability”? I’d love to know.

Tags: Collaborative Leadership, Happy Relationships, Inner Critic, Inner Peace, Likeability, Personal Power, Self-Acceptance, Self-Love, Valencia Ray